The Depth of This Soul...

The depth of this soul wants more than anything to get beyond the craziness of life, as I know it in suburbia and wealthy america.

The depth of this soul seeks groundbreaking, heartbreaking, hands-on purpose for this life that has been given to me freely, simply and purposefully. But now that I've fulfilled the purpose of my enjoying the extravagance of my wealthy life, I am ready to give up all that I have for the experience of looking into the eyes of children who are having to survive a life of extreme poverty. America truly has it's share, and I too want to experience this, but with as wealthy a country as ours, there really is simply no need or justification for such conditions to exist.

But to look to poorer countries it too is astonishing that they allow such conditions. But some how it seems easier to not blame them, their government, their agencies for their lack of programs, the lack of looking ahead, instead of the present situations. Perhaps it is because they are poor economically, that survival exists only for the present, not the future in their minds. Perhaps also because they know that wealthier countries will come bearing aid in every shape or form. I'm confused by what they expect and what they aspire to in their lands and simply waiting for the help to come is unfortunately, indicative of an unhealthy governmental system throughout. Like America isn't unhealthy! Yeah, right.

Anyways, the depth of this soul desires to jump ship for awhile and see how the other side of the world lives. I have malnutrition embedded in my brain, I have children's faces flash in and out of my mind, throughout the day, I have the urge to scream for resources and money from those in my life so that I can get to where I need to be...holding the fragile body of a child, whose parent(s) have passed from HIV/AIDS and whose own body is withering away from poverty, infection, malnutrition.

In my dreams I have seen myself holding me. I know that sounds weird. But there are photos of me when I was an infant, in the Vietnamese orphanage, with my stomach distended, my limbs extremely thin, and my body struggling for survival. It's as if I am holding myself, or jesus or some other child whose name I do not know.

The depth of my soul yearns for such an experience, not just once but for the rest of my lifetime.

If we can not feed the depth of our souls then why acknowledge our souls at all.