Are we always what we seem to others?

I wonder how many of us really are what we seem by others. I truly wish we could completely and utterly be ourselves, one hundred percent of the time. I know that I have strived to be just myself, but there seems to be those inner voices, those inner debates about ones worth, those heart-wrenching words others have called us by, society's expectations of our gender roles, family and friend's off the cuff remarks or statements, something a teacher wrote on a report card, not feeling supported by your employer, a comment an instructor made about your work, not feeling supported or loved by those in your life, those things we did as kids that keep coming up in conversation, and our own critical thinking of ourselves somehow creep out from within to help us mask the makeup of who we are. All because well...we're human. Duh. I know that there have been many times where I just felt I could not show the weaknesses of who I am. Who wants to. We only want to be thought of as good, decent people. But can we ever truly be? Oh, I would give anything to say that I am exactly the person and exude the nice things that people may say about me. Or the highly spiritual person others may look at me to be. But...may the truth be told and laid out so others can see that I too am just as human as the next person. But I have found that as the years are speeding by, that I no longer need or even desire to hide who I really am. Life is tough enough without having to pretend that we are something we aren't. And may I say there has been great freedom in that admission. So, if you catch me on a bad day, simply say, "thanks for just being you".

I have lied, I have stolen, I have been controlling, I have been a perfectionist, I have expected from others the same as I would have done, I have been a disappointment, I have not kept promises made, I have cut others off in traffick, I have argued with a sales clerk, I have screamed out the window to the person who stole my parking space, I have gossiped, I have failed in many areas, I have wanted what others have, I have rolled my eyes, I have kept an extremely dirty house, I have turned my eyes away from the homeless, I have not been a good doctor's patient, I have desired to not to live, I have given into people out of guilt, I have been rude, I have been drunk once, I have tried marijuana once, I have hidden dirty clothes thrown in a closet before company arrived, I have had a fender bender, I have intentionally hurt someone, I have had to apologize to many, I have denied others of my love, I have denied others of my time, I have denied others of my money, I have denied others of who I really am inside. And at this point in my life, all of 37 years, I have found that I really am not so bad. For I have sought forgiveness, received freedom and gained a greater sense of who I've been, and who I am becoming.

Many have shared very wonderful, warm, endearing and spiritual adjectives to who they think I am. I'm not saying that they may or may not be true, but if only I could maintain not so much the image, but know that I am those things positively stated and more. That when push comes to shove that I am more able to let things roll off my back more often, try not to take things so seriously or so personally, evaluate the words of others before reacting. It's not that there aren't improvements that I can make within myself. We can often fool ourselves in thinking we are being real, we are being what jesus, budha, muhammad, parents, spouses, friends asks of us, and we are holding up to the standard of a very contradictory society, and that we are being who we think others want us to be. No more! It's time to learn to be you, me, ourselves. I know there are some of you who truly are just yourselves, but for those of us who struggle in this area, we need to get over ourselves and move on from here. Simply be you, me, us, with no strings, guilt or self-depracating notions attached. Enjoy this new found freedom.•

"Touched by An Angel"•

We, unaccustomed to courage•
exiles from delight•
live coiled in shells of loneliness•
until love leaves its high holy temple•
and comes into our sight•
to liberate us into life.•

Love arrives•
and in its train come ecstasies•
old memories of pleasure•
ancient histories of pain.•
Yet if we are bold,•
love strikes away the chains of fear•
from our souls.•

We are weaned from our timidity•
In the flush of love's light•
we dare be brave•
And suddenly we see•
that love costs all we are•
and will ever be.•
Yet it is only love•
which sets us free."•

by Maya Angelou