O' How I Weep..poetry by kim

O’ How I Weep...

O’ how I weep for the children as this world continues twirling on its apex.
Why are they the first to lose out?

I weep for the lost innocence of children and their need to grow up so quickly.
Why aren’t they playing more?
Why are they being cared for by a system that underpays and overcrowds the very people whose
hands these lives are in the care of?
Why must they come home to an empty house?
Why oh why is so much demanded of them so soon and so quickly by society, parents, schools?

O’ how I weep for the children from all over the world.
slavery, children having children, living in great poverty, living without parents, living with aging,
grandparents, being unwanted and unclaimed in a world where they supposably are the future.

I weep for the world as it continues to prove beyond comprehension, it’s ultimate displays of studidity -
through power hungary men, control freaks, war, aids, cancer, hunger, slavery,
injustice, famine, homelessness, substance abuse, violence, greed, ignorance,
alzheimer, dementia, patriarchal dominance

I weep for you and for me and those I don’t know.

O’ how I weep...it’s difficult to understand and as to why the tears come on suddenly and often.
my tears may trickle, may pour forth, may salt the earth but the one thing they don’t do is stop.

O’ how I weep for those who can’t weep.
their tears are dried up,
their lives are too difficult to comprehend,
there isn’t time for tears when you’re struggling to survive.

O’ how I weep...

Perhpas one day there will be no mre tears, no more crying and no more pain in this world.

O’ how I look toward such sweetness and with tears of joy.

Returning to the roots of my past, present and future

2005 has been an amazing year already. First off, my health issues are very slowly beginning to find their root causes; In the same arena, I'm feeling better than I was a year ago; New opportunties have surfaced that ignited an excitement in the very deepest part of me; I've been blessed to renew some old relationships; And I have been able to find an amazing network of other Vietnamese who were adopted, and met one in Portland when we visited two weeks ago. Since then I have been in email conversations with others like myself, and even from the same orphanage. It's been an pretty incredible high for me.

VAN - Vietnamese Adoptees Network was established by five adoptees who had similar and not so similar experiences in their lives that they wanted to reach out to others like themselves, and allow for each of us to share our own unique stories, see the very common thread we all have running through each one of us, and have a community to support the questions, the experiences, the hurts, the past, the joys and our futures as Vietnamese Adoptees.

http://van-online.org/ •and• http://motherlandtour.com/

However, in reading stories and listening to others chat about their lives, it brings a great sadness to me. We all know that we are suppose to feel blessed, lucky, fortunate, etc about having been adopted, but many of those in my new new community did not fair as well as I did. There have been stories of incredible abuse by parents, immediate family members, racism within the family and society, neglect, and so much more. But for those this new network is a true blessing, as they are able to express themselves, ask the hard questions and feel supported by what they are experiencing and feeling, that I hope every one of them will pull through with new and healthier views of themselves, their families and this society.

Please take a look at the VAN site as well as the other links that are within the site. You may just learn something new today or experience something you never would have expected.

I have so many people to thank for my adopted life and the journey I continue to explore. My parents, my siblings, my husband, Michael, my in-laws, my closests friends, my spiritual communty in Marin County, California, and those who have always loved and supported me regardless. I say, THANK YOU from the deepest part of my soul. I am just beginning to feel Vietnamese after all of these years. What a great feeling!

PLEASE, if you know of anyone or you, yourself are an adoptee, please write me or send them my way or to the VAN network site. I personally would love to meet those of you who are out there.

Shalom,

Kim

Oh my, she's saying swear words

Today has been very trying. I'm just not sure what my heart is feeling nor how to truly express it in all of its fullness. The mind wanders to and fro wondering what to think next. The heart is heavy and unwanting of it's present condition. The eyes tearless though on the verge at any given moment. The thoughts swirling, twirling, whirling round about with no where to really land. Life feels like a tumbleweed. Rough around the edges, spiked in all directions, weightless, and easily thrown from here to there to who knows where. The lone warrior in a mass of desert land. I was able to swear out loud, in writing, in my mind, in my heart and way deep down where it echoes in silence. Sometimes one needs a good swearing session. Like a good cry. I swore to no end using words that I detest yet gleemed at the sound of their every syllable. It felt good. Like jumping into Lake Tahoe in May. Refreshing. What the F***! What the H***! What a Sh**** crying shame! Why is it when these words are said in a foreign tongue, they just don't sound so harsh nor like swear words? I will admit, Sh** is my favorite and only swear word used when we're about to hit the car in front of us, or when a loud and unsuspecting sound shakes the warm liquid from my bladder. H*** really doesn't seem very offensive to me, but then maybe it makes those religious ones feel closer to that destination than they are desiring. F*** is definitely a crappy word and I only use it in extreme measures - when I've had a trying day and I don't know what other words fit to describe it. To H*** with today. There is always tomorrow. Oh, Crap!

Male Friendships

Posted by: kimthanh

First off, I love my husband. Secondly, I appreciate the fact that my husband deals well with my being able to be friends with other men. Since I was young, I had always been able to relate better to boys, guys, and men. Perhaps some of that had to do with my being a tomboy or who knows what. Regardless, there are so many men in my life that I adore as a friends and/or brothers. This photo is one such person that I adore. His spirit is soft spoken, he's authentic and has a very wry sense of humor. But he is also very vulnerable, caring and very thoughtful. It's funny, because when I first met him, he actually didn't take to me too well. I was too huggy of a person, to open and I'm not sure what else, but I know he used to literally run away from me. At first, I thought it was a joke, but then very soon realized he was not playing a game. But over time and getting together in a group of friends, our relationship grew. He is just so funny, has a great smile and definitely one of those friends where if you don't see each other for a while or longer, we always return to where we left off. I so appreciate that and feel very fortunate that my husband, Michael, and I have a great deal of friendships that are that way. This friend's life inspires me though I can not put it into words. This friend has reached deep inside himself to be vulnerable, weak yet strong too, and yet a great example of how I wish some men would allow themselves to be, not always feel they need to be macho or just strong.

B. you're the greatest. Thanks for your friendship all these years. Look forward to your visit with us soon.


Love and Shalom,

Kim

Oh, that cute baby face! photo by kim

Posted by: kimthanh

Oh, Michael and I LOVE being uncle and aunts to so many nieces and nephews within our own families. And we so enjoy and love being called uncle and aunt to so many of our friend's kids. I feel so blessed, truly since we have not been able to have our own kids so far. I am such a kid lover and such a kid myself that I so enjoy their company, their laughter, their innocence, their amazing questions and memories of stories, and of course that baby smell!!! That itself is the closest thing to heaven for me.

Kids just keep you young, on your toes and rolling on the floor from laughter. Though most of my nieces and nephews are no longer babies, infants, toddlers, I still greatly enjoy them and love to see the look on their faces when I say something they are not expecting from their 37 year old aunt, as well as enjoy seeing how each of them is becoming their own being. There are definitely a few surprises in how they are growing up. I hope never to lose connection with any of them and always be there for them in some way that will be encouraging and/or supportive. They truly are the love of my life aside from my husband. I always look forward to my time with them. That's why I sit at the kids table with them. Adults are boring and kids, well they are just kids, in all their wonderful, wacky and nonsensical ways.

So, with each new child born into my life via my own siblings or my friends, I will always love, adore and enjoy their beautiful presence in my life. God has blessed me with the love of kids. That's why I'm still a kid. Woohoo!!!