Can't Sleep...

I went to bed to read a little bit before shutting my ol' eyes for sleep heaven. But to no avail, I still was reading, and enjoying my book. About the Children's Blizzard of 1887-1888. It is called the children's blizzard, because it was when most of the children of the Northern most prairie zones of America were heading to school, as it had been the first warm day in their winter season. So, not only husbands, wives and livestock were out on this beautiful day, but thousands upon thousands of children were out and about as well. But I haven't actually gotten to the blizzard day, just about there though. Regardless, this book is so interesting, historical and poignant.

My husband came in to check on me, to see if I had fallen asleep reading, and to turn my light off for me. But I was still awake, which was rare for me. Normally, I'm in snoozeville and have no idea he even came in to kiss me good night again. But tonight I got hug and kiss him again. Yeah for me! But boohoo for not sleeping. When Michael left the room, I thought I'd fall asleep soon after, but found I was not sleepy at all. So I picked up the book again to begin where I left off. But this proved useless, as my mind was whirling a mile a minute at this point. So, here I am writing cause I can't sleep.

I'm thinking about our upcoming Tahoe weekend with close friends. Michael turned 40 this August and he is not much for big bashes, and since I know him so well, I asked him what he'd like to do for his big 4.0. I had suggested renting a cabin and having some friends to hang with. He loved this idea - for one, Tahoe is 'our' place to runaway. Secondly, a cabin with just friends? That was ideal for him. So, I look forward to getting things together for this weekend to come. We are going to party in style! But most of all just catch up and enjoy some of our closest friends, in Tahoe no less!

I'm also thinking about all the things I want to get rid of in our house. Sell our piano, sell our big tv, go through all our books and pare down, also our cd's, clean up/out my side of the office. It is still a mess from the last time I had cleaned it, and then went to look for something and began pulling things out left and right and never returning things back to where I had initially organized them to be. Pure laziness on my part. And thinking I'd get to it manana. But tomorrow came and went and it still looks the same. Blecch!

Then there is the is the Bola Moyo fundraising we're about to embark on with Dustin and Cara in a few weeks, and I have things I need to do, and maybe art to do for it and things to think through so it is good and not shoddy.

And then there are the thoughts about my two nephews, one 24 and the other 15, who both struggle with deep depression. The oldest one is Bipolar and the younger just found out this year that he is severely depressed. But how proud I am of both of them for talking about their illness with me, and other family members. And particularly the younger one is writing poetry and helping me to see what he sees of himself and feels within himself. the Darkness that plagues him daily. He is not a typical candidate of someone with severe depression per his doctors, therapists and others in the medical profession. And I can see for myself that he is not a typical candidate. Perhaps in age, but not in manner or intellect. He is reading fervently about his illness and trying to find a way to understand it better, intelligently and to be sure to have open communication about. He has a greater chance at overcoming this illness than someone of his age and illness not doing these things. He is aware of this is desires to get better and to sustain a healthy life as he gets older. I am so proud of him. And I also know that if my older nephew had not been diagnosed prior to him, he would not be fairing as well as he is. So I am thankful for what has taken place despite the immense pain and struggles these two have had to endure and will continue to endure for some time. I know my parents have been instrumental in the well-being of my older nephew. They were and continue to be there for him during this time in his life. Encouraging him in every way necessary. And because of this, I believe he has been instrumental in helping my younger nephew to get through this time not alone. Explaining what happens, what may happen, what will happen, how one may feel in various stages, etc. This has been wonderful for the younger one. Thank goodness!
I believe they both will be able to work through this illness and be able to feel healthy and alive again. It may and will take time but I know and believe it will be done.

Okay, so now that I've gotten all the things out of my head, that had prevented me from sleeping, I guess it is time for me to try returning to bed and falling under the sleep spell. Let's hope it works. Otherwise, I guess I will be reading until the wee hours. And napping tomorrow.

Good night!