For The Love Of...

Well, the past few weeks I have had a million things to say, and have written it all out in my head a thousand times but nothing compares to tonight's news. All the other stuff seems pitiful and just a bunch of rants and raves that really is unnecessary.

Tonight, I received an email from my mom telling me that one of my nephews had gone back to the hospital to seek refuge and safety. He's been diagnosed with severe depression and had been doing pretty well as of late. When he was up in Chico during his Christmas break, he was doing okay. But I know we'd talked and he'd said that he really needed to get on a new med because the old had worked itself out of his system and wasn't effective any longer. And things were starting to come down again but didn't seemed to be so bad. He was hanging in there. And he was making it through everyday.

But I had not talked to him since just before Christmas and so much seems to have occurred since then.

Thankfully, I am one of the few he is willing to talk to about his depression stuff and the deep dark stuff that occurs within him. I know that the hospital is a good place for him to be right now. It is a safe place and he gets a lot out of the group therapy with the others, and that sense of understanding when others can't or are unable to truly grasp what one goes through on a day to day basis.

I feel very fortunate and humbled to be one of those whom he can share the crappy stuff with this illness.

And fortunately, and unfortunately, he has a cousin(and I another nephew)that is Bipolar and continues to struggle with his illness despite being a few years ahead of his cousin.

The fortunate thing is that the two of them have really hit it off due to their situations and have received a lot of comfort, understanding and commiseration of what it really is like for one another. And encouraging one another in their struggles, their meds, their striving to get better and all the day-to-day stuff that goes on within one's mind and soul.

It really pains me that I not only have one nephew that has been struck with this struggle, but two. It just doesn't seem fair. Yet, I know there is a reason of some sort that these two in particular, happen to be carriers of mental illness.

I am not as fearful for the one nephew who just went back into the hospital, as per statistics and my nephews intelligence and great willingness to truly understand his condition, which will help in the long run, as well as the short run. It is the other nephew that I worry about. He is just as highly intelligent and informed but he seems to struggle with his condition and the inability to take care of himself on a daily basis by taking his meds, getting enough sleep, etc. He seems to have some good stretches of doing well and then he is back to a slightly more manic state. This kind of pattern of behavior makes it very difficult in the long run to get better and be able to truly maintain.

It is so frustrating and painful to see these two young men(15 yrs and 25 yrs) have to struggle with this kind of life physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

So, for the love of god, buddha, or whatever...I really pray that they will continue to be taken care of and that they will eventually be able to live happy and healthy lives as time goes on. I know far too many who struggle with these two conditions that don't make it down the road and statistically, the percent of becoming homeless is great if the person chooses to not maintain the necessary lifestyle to be healthy.

I don't imagine either of them being homeless, simply because our family has been extremely supportive of both these men and their families. But there is also the realization that some times it's nobodies decision but their own to move on and out.

I pray this never happens to them or any one else for that matter.

But the reality of it all is that homelessness and mental illness go hand-in-hand far too often.

I hate to say that I feel fortunate, because I know there are lots of families who also struggle with their kids, parent(s) or close relative who have mental illness. And many of these may not have the means, the money or the support to get the help they all need to work through it together. But we do have a network of family that are able to be their for one another and for my two nephews and the means and resources to get the help needed.

I ache knowing there are so many who don't have that kind of support system. And then there is the medical/mental systems that are just too government controlled to be truly effective to all that are in need.

To my two nephews, I love you both and wish only the best lives for you now and in the future. Keep hanging in there...

Love always,

Your favorite, asian aunt kim

---------- READ ON, READ ON, READ ON------------------


"Don’t Touch Me! What It’s Like to Live With a Mental Illness…
Depression" By Ashley

The title of this essay tells the story of my life, a life of depression. My life doesn't consist of crying and weeping, so don't let the movies fool you. I am not crazy. My life consists of mood swings and food. Being depressed is like being pregnant; you eat, you sleep, you laugh, you cry, you sweat, you get angry, and then you continue this process all day long.

Even though I have made fun of it above, the truth about depression is that it is no laughing matter. Adolescent depression is one of the leading causes of teenage suicide: teens with a mental health problem or addiction make up 90 percent of the successful suicides in the U.S. For 15- to 24-year olds like me, suicide is the third leading cause of death, behind unintentional injury and homicide. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in 1999, more young people died from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, and chronic lung disease combined. In the past 10 years, even though the rates of high school students having serious ideas about committing suicide has gone down, rates for all attempts and for attempts that cause serious injury has increased. One thing that I had to struggle with many times with my own depression was if I would end up taking my own life. I was dealing with a lot of family problems and having arguments with my mother. My parents' separation was really beginning to bother me and my relationship with my older sister was going downhill fast. God only knows how many times I thought to myself, “What would life be like if I was never born?” Then I figured out that nothing would change if I was gone. My parents would still not be together. The truth is that you don't come back from death and the people left behind don't come back for you. I just hope I can reach out to others before it's too late.

It is hard to be a teen with depression when everyone is getting along with their life and you're the only one who doesn't want to go outside and play. When a little thing like a “B” on a test makes you cry non-stop for six weeks, it isn't a great feeling. When I was depressed I couldn't concentrate and felt overwhelmed; as if everything was my fault. As my grades started falling, so did my mood and I became angry with myself. Having teen depression to me is like having a bad day all day, every day.

The time period between freshman and senior year was a disaster. In my freshman year, I once got into a fight in the lunchroom over a chair! I was suspended for the last days of school and was almost arrested for assault over someone sitting in a seat I had left my coat on! I think that I have come a long way from the angry depressed teen I used to be with all the fighting and talking back. I thought I was getting somewhere when in reality I was just bringing myself further down.

I think that I have come far with my depression. Now that I am older I have more control over what I say and do. I thank God that when everyone gave up on me, there were people who wouldn't say no. A social worker in the school-based health clinic was the first to show she cared. She was there for me whenever I felt low or needed someone to listen. She hooked me up with services and finally with my community's system of care. Now I am the youth coordinator in my system of care. The people I work with now help and talk to me even when I don't want to talk. I have changed for the better and I like who I am now. I'm getting along much better with life; little things like getting bumped in the street don't get me angry any more. And when someone tells me to do something that will benefit me, it doesn't make me explode. I write this to let other teens like me know that being depressed can be a real problem, but there are real people who can really help you; you just have to be willing to let them in.

Thank you for your time. I hope I have helped in some way.