Today, as difficult of a day as it became, I had a realization of my own personal growth. This was a great revelation amidst the emotional and hard conversation I had to day with some one close to me.
To another it may mean nothing but to me it was a reminder of how often times we continue to struggle over the same things over and over and then one day you realize that that place of stumbling has some how corrected itself in a positive way. Mind you it did come from a lot of hard work and struggling before it was resolved. Though it would have been nice if it had happened overnight. But that would not have been my fate. It never is. I'm always one that god feels I need to work through EVERY dang issue - unlike some folks I know. They get what they want regardless....Blah Blah Blah
Amazing.
It sucked that it had to come at a time when I was talking with this friend. But then again maybe that is when it needed to shine through so that I could see for myself that I am STILL an evolving creature, truly.
To look at me now one and many have said 'I would never have seen you as controlling." Others may beg to differ. And to those who called me on it, I honestly thanked them from the bottom of my heart and have done so to two specific people in my life who were willing to challenge me in this area of personal havoc.
Before, I always hated the words controlling, perfectionist, manipulative, difficult, and one who has great expections of self and others. But apparently these were just some of the words that were described to me, of me. OUCH! Now that I hear these same words, some still ring true, it's just not as harsh sounding nor is it as painful. Now most of those words used to describe me but don't anymore. BUT it has been a long and tough road for me to get out from underneath them. Particularly controlling and manipulative. Now I see perfectionist just as a minor flaw of myself and difficult, dealing more in the realm of my likes and dislikes of foods, not people and how they do this or that and whether it was done my way or not at all. And in terms of expectations of myself (getting better) and of others (definitely a hell of a lot better).
So, now that you've read this far, and this sucks I know, the buck stops here somehow. SO, I had just finished typing it all out and then hit the wrong friggin key, and with blogger, you have to at least save it as a draft BEFORE navigating anywhere else on your site, etc. So, I begin once again to rewrite the last half of this blog, because I had been 'smart' enough to save before continuing to write again. Well, if that darn ol 'frog didn't catch that pesky fly surrounding him, I don't know what did and gone ate my rewritten version, and so other than a second moment of idiotic memory lapse thar she goes again. POOF! Gone in an instant, no way to be retrieved. Friggin pesky fly!. So, I decided to give it up for the nite and just write if off saying, FORGET ABOUT IT! Apparently it wasn't as important or heart-felt or curable as I first thought for myself. And god didn't want to see another clamor of written words posted on this site. So that's just the way the friggin cookie crumbles on a heavy heart in chico.
Signing off!
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
It's True, We Are Moving!
Posted by: kimthanh
Wow! It's really become a reality. We are moving to Portland, Oregon.
We are helping to start up a non-profit with our friends, Dustin and Cara called Bola Moyo (bowl-la moy-yo). it literally means "Better Life" which is what we are striving to give to the people of Malawi, Africa, particularly the children who are the future of their country.
We are thrilled to be doing this non-profit alongside Dustin and Cara, and look forward to seeing the harvest of our hard work as time goes by. But for now we are working on getting things together for the benefit concert that will be our fundraiser for folks in the Bay Area and Southern California. It's going to be interesting, a learning experience and I'm sure beneficial in so many ways.
But until then Michael and I have a lot to take care of like finding a renter for our house, packing, keep working on work and Bola Moyo stuff, visit families and friends, etc. Whew! It's going to be a hairy few months for us! So, by the looks of our schedule, it looks like we will be moving up some time in mid-late October. So, yea, I guess the reality of this move for us has really come to mind. It's going to be fantastic, fun and exciting, yet difficult to leave family and friends behind. It's always hard to be the ones saying goodbye because others feel you are leaving them behind. And then when it comes time to visit everyone, it gets to be a bit tricky. But with Bola Moyo's flexible schedule, we should be able to take enough time off to see everyone! Let's hope so!
As far as money, income. we still don't know what will come of that but we know that we will be taken care of somehow, some way. We will be looking for part-time jobs when we finally settle into Portland.
Here we go...we just never wanted to say we 'should have' or 'what if' that is why we are taking this time in our lives to do what we are both passion about - loving others.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Missing Out : photo by andy van den eynde
Posted by: kimthanh
As I was sitting in our arm chair, I was enjoying the scene playing before me. Michael was helping our 12 yr old cousin, Alea, with her homework in math.
First off, Michael enjoys math and all of its abstract notions. I detest it with a vengeance. Secondly, I was enjoying the way the two were interacting wtih one another and the way Alea was comfortable snuggled up next to him, while he explained in the simplest terms of the particular math problems. Thirdly, Michael has such patience and a way of explaining things in more than one way no matter the subject matter. And lastly, to see him so naturally and calmly helping Alea, explaining away, and patiently waiting until she seemed to be getting it just brought to mind a twinge of pain to me, while at the same time enjoying what I was observing.
The remembered pain was the knowledge that we have yet to have children of any age, in any form. It's painful as I know how wonderful a father, a dad, a parent and a member of the married team Michael would be in raising, caring for and teaching what children we hoped to have had. It just kills me to see the emptiness within each of us in this area. It was difficult for me because I haven't had this pain come up in quite awhile until just the other day.
It hurt, it was a reminder, causes me to wonder if we ever will be given a child of our own, at this point, whether through the fostering system or through adoption. I wasn't as angry about it as I have been in the past, and that's growth for me. But the pain is still not far below the surface and becomes easily raw.
I pray and hope for a child(ren) for us, but also know that we are on a path toward new adventures due to our passions, and in what god is calling us to be doing, with our lives, at this time. For this we will continue to follow through and find joy and peace through it all, but I don't know if we will ever get beyond the desires nor the immense passion to have one of our very own.
I just feel like we've been missing out on the joys of parenthood and the parenthood circle that one automatically becomes a member of, by the presence of a child, in ones household. It really SUCKS!!!
All I know so far is that it could still be a possibility in our life time to have this amazing experience. But I do wonder if it will ever really be granted to us. I continue to pray about this out of a sense of selfishness so that my desire will be continuously heard, assuming god doesn't already know of this desire in us. BUT it seems it can't hurt to keep voicing it no matter.
I continue to believe that part of our passions for our adventures also contains the work of helping, meeting with, holding, caring for and lovingly embracing children in what ever way we can that will somehow help fulfill that voided area. And to believe with that it will be enough for now.
But I don't know that we will ever not get over the feeling of missing out on the privileged experience of having ones own child.
Aching heart your fears are valid
Aching couple your desires have been heard
Do as you are asked to do and I will grant you with my ultimate joy and peace
It may not look like what you had in mind, but bear with me as I continue to work in you both
Your hearts will be enflamed with children from many worlds, many places and backgrounds
Your hearts will take hold of such faces, such conditions that will feel like they are your own
These children are your own, in a way that you will forever change the path of their lives
These children are your own, in a way that will fulfill you like no other
Continue to wait for me
Continue to follow me
Continue to have faith in me
Continue on the path I have called you to and you will be given your hearts' desires
Know it's my timing, not yours
Know I relish you both in ways that make me proud
Know that I have plans for you and the ones that you love, whether they are yours or anothers'
I'm listening
I'm here
I'm all that you need
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Simple Beauty: photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
This photo was taken off of Hwy 70 toward Quincey on one of Don, Michael's and my adventures in driving and photo shoots.
I love the simplicity and how imperfect this photo is to anyone viewing it.
I could have waited more patiently until the moth completely spread its wings and rested on the rock, but it seemed too silly to me to wait, when I realized how fast life passes us by. Meaning, to wait and get the perfect position for the picture is like waiting for the right time for various things in life, when even a mere split second can have as much beauty, meaning and memories as waiting for just the right timing.
Simply enjoying one second to the next can add up to a hell of a lot of amazing treasures and stories to tell to one another and in the future.
Simple beauty is truly something to relish in this chaotic and dysfunctional world.
This picture is not worth a thousand words...photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
It is simply one word - FRIENDSHIP - in the best possible sense.
We Love You, Don!
The Three Peas In A Pod...self portrait
Posted by: kimthanh
Our vapors have surfaced among one another though the deepest emotions still remain unspoken.
The years have been kind to each of us as laughter, always food, fun, techie talk and ages have consumed our time and our hearts together.
Ritual, spontaneity, celebrations, families, and history and god have brought us not by chance but many reasons, too many to tell.
We danced, we've traveled, we've had adventures and misadventures, many a late night dinners, many hours talking together, many years together and apart.
We just came back together over five years ago and now we are parting once again.
Parting is such sweet sorrow when I think of the kind of brother, and amazing friend that we, Michael and I have been blessed with, in our friendship with Donny, Donald, and just plain Don.
The sorrow is forever deep, but the love and comfort of our endearing love for one another remains infinite.
We have new adventures, new misadventures and new things to explore and experience together as the years continue to be kind to us.
Our brother, Don, whom we so love and will surely miss our regular dinners together and our hanging out time.
But all is not lost nor forgotten when our friendship is as deep as it is.
We love you, Don!!!!
Thank you for loving us the way you always have.
Tampon run to seeing you live through one of the hardests and most difficult phases of your life-your illness.
Nothing will separate the three of us peas in a pod!!!
With the Greatest of Love to you- our brother, our friend!
Kim and Michael
Saturday, August 13, 2005
A Good Winker: photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
Big D was showing me how good a winker he was and wanted me to take a photo of it.
It's been so much fun to see Big D growing up and showing me and the rest of our family all of his little and big antics, his amazing talents, his sweetness and his sharp little mind.
But now if only we could get him to actually sleep come naptime like Little D, his brother.
But I think he's always got too much going on in his mind to settle in for sleep time. I think he'd rather be talking incessantly, asking his curious questions and giving his advice in the little life he has lived so far.
I so love ALL of my nieces and nephews. They certainly make my world a lot whole more interesting and wonderful!
Love This Photo: self portrait
Posted by: kimthanh
This picture was taken just before Michael and I were to head back home to Chico and the 8 hr drive.
I love these kinds of pictures, impromptru and just plain fun.
We always have fun with Dustin and Cara whenever we get together. They are just interesting, caring, funny and creative folks we call close friends.
So, to capture a moment in time is a splendid thing in life.
Portland or bust!
The One and Only Voodoo Donuts: photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
When Michael and I went to Portland for the first time, we had been told about The infamous Voodoo Donuts. We had been told in detail about all of their varied topped and shaped donuts. Sounded like somewhere I needed to see for myself. But that trip didn't allow for a visit there.
But this second trip, we did make it! Not that we really were hungry for one, after the amazing Orange Tofu dinner we had at John and Katies, just hours before. But since it was a place to at least experience, those new to Portland, we decided to venture on downtown and enjoy ourselves a bit of Portland history.
The picture says it all that we enjoyed ourselves. They even had vegan donuts. Go figure...
I won't take the fun out of experiencing the Voodoo Donuts, so I will just end here.
But when in Portland, take a visit to the Voodoo Donuts, and go at night. It just seems to add to the overall experience, as well as the lines that will be out the door and down the block.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Scattered Brain
Do you ever feel like you live in another world, outside of your own head?
Getting older is causing me to be a slower thinker, forgetful, difficult remembering little and big things and details of stories, and realizing it will only get worse from here on out.
I'm not bitter, I'm just saying... :-)
Michael and I have had some great laughs of late, as we have both tried to recount a situation we were both in and realized we had no idea where, when or with whom. It was pretty hilarious. We decided the older we get the better off we will be because neither of us will remember the same detail of the story nor will even be talking about the same story when mentioned to others. Meaning he may be talking about chicken which he ate with our friend, Don and I will be thinking about chicken that we had in New York. So, we determined we will not be like many older couples, or even young couples, who interject or argue about the details of the story being told. We will just be so agreeable and but with a different story in each of our minds.
Getting older with Michael will be fun for sure!
We have both been scattered brain as of late due to much going on in our lives and thinking of our future.
It's enough to make one almost lose ones' mind, really.
I kind of feel like the kid of Johnny Depps' Willie Wonka when he would say, "MUMBLER! I can't understand a word you're staying, heh!"
No one will be able to understand me as I get older... Oh my!
Getting older is causing me to be a slower thinker, forgetful, difficult remembering little and big things and details of stories, and realizing it will only get worse from here on out.
I'm not bitter, I'm just saying... :-)
Michael and I have had some great laughs of late, as we have both tried to recount a situation we were both in and realized we had no idea where, when or with whom. It was pretty hilarious. We decided the older we get the better off we will be because neither of us will remember the same detail of the story nor will even be talking about the same story when mentioned to others. Meaning he may be talking about chicken which he ate with our friend, Don and I will be thinking about chicken that we had in New York. So, we determined we will not be like many older couples, or even young couples, who interject or argue about the details of the story being told. We will just be so agreeable and but with a different story in each of our minds.
Getting older with Michael will be fun for sure!
We have both been scattered brain as of late due to much going on in our lives and thinking of our future.
It's enough to make one almost lose ones' mind, really.
I kind of feel like the kid of Johnny Depps' Willie Wonka when he would say, "MUMBLER! I can't understand a word you're staying, heh!"
No one will be able to understand me as I get older... Oh my!
Friday, August 05, 2005
Testing to See if this works...video by kim
So, on our second trip to Portland, Oregon we had a blast as usual.
I forget to use the videoing on our digital camera but couldn't miss Hans having a good time with Dusty.
So here it goes...hope it works
Powered by Castpost
I forget to use the videoing on our digital camera but couldn't miss Hans having a good time with Dusty.
So here it goes...hope it works
Powered by Castpost
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Continued Education
I just woke up, fed our cat, opened up the house so it could hopefully stay just a little cooler, as the day gets progressively hotter. And while going to the bathroom, my mind is whirling and twirling with with thoughts galore. So what is it my minding is trying to work out this morning? Well, it's not quite as simple as that to be truthful, but I will give you jut one isolated thought.
Since my "job" these days per my Michael is to get well, meaning take my meds, take all the naps I need, rest up, don't exert mysell too much, do my physical therapy exercises, etc. It has left me with an ideal amount of time to do one thing that I love, reading. So the selfish person that I am is taking full advantage of this time to read up all that I can. And there is no guilt involved, well maybe some but I have been told to not worry about it, so I try not to worry about it and read on.
I love how there are different kinds of book lovers, as there should be. The way I was created speaks to the desire for reality in things, life, people, adventures. This is not to say that I don't enjoy fiction books. I've read mostly the 'classics' as I know they are safe readings. I am not a Sci Fi, Romance, Midevil Fantasy kind of reader. Although I'm sure I have missed out on some great books, but I'd rather waste my time with others. When it comes to fiction I have such a hard time reading it because I want what I am reading to be true, an actual event or person, time or situation to have actually happened in this life time. And then as I'm reading, I begin to wonder if it has happened or if the people are real, etc and then I just freak myself out and not enjoy the rest of the book. I'm weird, I know.
The other aspect of reading non-fiction, biographies, autobiographies, memoirs, and period pieces is that I love how I am always learning something new about our world. There is so much history that I have learned through reading these books, that I never learned or was taught in school. This just excites me to no end! Let me insert here before I get a berauge of comments from fiction readers. I have read numerous fiction that were based on a historical event or time period and yes, I did learn a little something there. But to me reading the rest of the story as something that some one imagined, with a historical background, just doesn't work for me. But I'm glad it works for many, many people. As there are quite a lot of writers able to make a living doing this. Good for them!
But as for me, I feel as though I am continuing my education as I read one book, finish and pick up another. The lives I read about, the historical events that have taken place since the begining of time, the ability to see myself in the people I read about, and how it relates so closely to some of my experiences, my emotions. And then to be taken to places, on adventures, and into the very lives of people throughout this world, I am able to travel, to experience and to figuratively live out what others have already experienced. This just fascinates me to no end. I've figuratively experienced Iran, Tehran, India, Haiti, Russia, China, Vietnam, Thailand, Cuba, USA, Pakistan, Africa. And there is still so much more to learn out there. So I am definitely taking full advantage of this down time so that I can continue to learn something new everyday through reading. And I do.
I am so thankful for the freedom to read, be educated, to experience what others have in their lives, to freely enter our local library and partake of it's generosity of wall to wall books, magazines, movies, and more.
I am so very thankful to be a woman AND have the freedom to be educated period.
Through my readings, I have continued to appreciate what my life was, what my life is, what it continues to be, and what it will be in the future. I have continued to gain and appreciate my freedom in all things.
I do not and cannot take for granted my freedom to have the time to get well, to not have to work at this time, to take my mind and heart to other places and in to others' lives. I do not take for granted that I have been given the freedom to educate myself and others.
I am thrilled that I am a lover of reading.
I hope you too will become one, if you are not one already.
Since my "job" these days per my Michael is to get well, meaning take my meds, take all the naps I need, rest up, don't exert mysell too much, do my physical therapy exercises, etc. It has left me with an ideal amount of time to do one thing that I love, reading. So the selfish person that I am is taking full advantage of this time to read up all that I can. And there is no guilt involved, well maybe some but I have been told to not worry about it, so I try not to worry about it and read on.
I love how there are different kinds of book lovers, as there should be. The way I was created speaks to the desire for reality in things, life, people, adventures. This is not to say that I don't enjoy fiction books. I've read mostly the 'classics' as I know they are safe readings. I am not a Sci Fi, Romance, Midevil Fantasy kind of reader. Although I'm sure I have missed out on some great books, but I'd rather waste my time with others. When it comes to fiction I have such a hard time reading it because I want what I am reading to be true, an actual event or person, time or situation to have actually happened in this life time. And then as I'm reading, I begin to wonder if it has happened or if the people are real, etc and then I just freak myself out and not enjoy the rest of the book. I'm weird, I know.
The other aspect of reading non-fiction, biographies, autobiographies, memoirs, and period pieces is that I love how I am always learning something new about our world. There is so much history that I have learned through reading these books, that I never learned or was taught in school. This just excites me to no end! Let me insert here before I get a berauge of comments from fiction readers. I have read numerous fiction that were based on a historical event or time period and yes, I did learn a little something there. But to me reading the rest of the story as something that some one imagined, with a historical background, just doesn't work for me. But I'm glad it works for many, many people. As there are quite a lot of writers able to make a living doing this. Good for them!
But as for me, I feel as though I am continuing my education as I read one book, finish and pick up another. The lives I read about, the historical events that have taken place since the begining of time, the ability to see myself in the people I read about, and how it relates so closely to some of my experiences, my emotions. And then to be taken to places, on adventures, and into the very lives of people throughout this world, I am able to travel, to experience and to figuratively live out what others have already experienced. This just fascinates me to no end. I've figuratively experienced Iran, Tehran, India, Haiti, Russia, China, Vietnam, Thailand, Cuba, USA, Pakistan, Africa. And there is still so much more to learn out there. So I am definitely taking full advantage of this down time so that I can continue to learn something new everyday through reading. And I do.
I am so thankful for the freedom to read, be educated, to experience what others have in their lives, to freely enter our local library and partake of it's generosity of wall to wall books, magazines, movies, and more.
I am so very thankful to be a woman AND have the freedom to be educated period.
Through my readings, I have continued to appreciate what my life was, what my life is, what it continues to be, and what it will be in the future. I have continued to gain and appreciate my freedom in all things.
I do not and cannot take for granted my freedom to have the time to get well, to not have to work at this time, to take my mind and heart to other places and in to others' lives. I do not take for granted that I have been given the freedom to educate myself and others.
I am thrilled that I am a lover of reading.
I hope you too will become one, if you are not one already.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Faithless Heart
I was laying in bed last night thinking about how sometimes our hearts can be unfaithful. Unfaithful to another person, unfaithful to our spouse or significant other, unfaithful to our best intentions, unfaithful in the workplace, unfaithful to what we desire most in life.
These are just simple thoughts with no answers. But I was wondering how we, as affectionate and caring beings, are able to forego those intentions for something that leads to unfaithfulness? I suppose the unfaithfulness allows for a sense of non-commitment, a release from our current or future responsibilities, a quick answer to another's lack of understanding, caring, or acknowledgment to/of us. A faithless heart it seems speaks to the inner core of ourselves where we desire not the reality of our situations or of another.
I was thinking in terms of our state of world affairs. The London bombings were just as unexpected as the 9/11 without as many deaths just yet, but then because it's across the globe, there appears to be no outcry among the American people, as a whole, no letters in the newspaper, no radio stations with folks discussing the outrageousness of this monstrosity, etc.
All of it is spoken through the voices of the authoritative folks who speak in the language that distances one another to the reality of the attacks. It speaks almost in a third person form that allows for no real relation to any one person or folks in America. Except perhaps those who had friends, family that lived in London and were commuting during those hours.
How unfaithful we are as Americans to other's plights, unless it happens directly to us and then we are as outspoken and angry and ready to wage war against the other.
I am not saying every person in America doesn't care but it sure seems awfully quiet since the bombings. The American voice is quiet perhaps because the bombings took place elsewhere or quiet because we are glad it didn't happen o us again? I am pretty confident it is both.
America, the land of plenty, gluttony and power can rise above and out of our own unfaithfulness when it calls for it, from our own people. BUT what about faithfulness toward others. If the bombing had been at preschools or attacked at schools with children, then I believe the American people would be in an outcry over what happened, but because it did not occur to the children, and thank god for that, it is pretty damn quiet.
Our faithfulness is so much guided by what we give attention to. But our faithlessness is even more guided by our very intentions and selfish desires that pain not only themselves, eventually, but everything that comes between or within the circle of the that faithlessness.
How are you being unfaithful?
Shalom,
Kim
These are just simple thoughts with no answers. But I was wondering how we, as affectionate and caring beings, are able to forego those intentions for something that leads to unfaithfulness? I suppose the unfaithfulness allows for a sense of non-commitment, a release from our current or future responsibilities, a quick answer to another's lack of understanding, caring, or acknowledgment to/of us. A faithless heart it seems speaks to the inner core of ourselves where we desire not the reality of our situations or of another.
I was thinking in terms of our state of world affairs. The London bombings were just as unexpected as the 9/11 without as many deaths just yet, but then because it's across the globe, there appears to be no outcry among the American people, as a whole, no letters in the newspaper, no radio stations with folks discussing the outrageousness of this monstrosity, etc.
All of it is spoken through the voices of the authoritative folks who speak in the language that distances one another to the reality of the attacks. It speaks almost in a third person form that allows for no real relation to any one person or folks in America. Except perhaps those who had friends, family that lived in London and were commuting during those hours.
How unfaithful we are as Americans to other's plights, unless it happens directly to us and then we are as outspoken and angry and ready to wage war against the other.
I am not saying every person in America doesn't care but it sure seems awfully quiet since the bombings. The American voice is quiet perhaps because the bombings took place elsewhere or quiet because we are glad it didn't happen o us again? I am pretty confident it is both.
America, the land of plenty, gluttony and power can rise above and out of our own unfaithfulness when it calls for it, from our own people. BUT what about faithfulness toward others. If the bombing had been at preschools or attacked at schools with children, then I believe the American people would be in an outcry over what happened, but because it did not occur to the children, and thank god for that, it is pretty damn quiet.
Our faithfulness is so much guided by what we give attention to. But our faithlessness is even more guided by our very intentions and selfish desires that pain not only themselves, eventually, but everything that comes between or within the circle of the that faithlessness.
How are you being unfaithful?
Shalom,
Kim
Thursday, June 09, 2005
These Hands: poetry by kim
These hands have been in motion from the moment I was conceived.
These hands were the cilia that helped me figure out my world as a small child.
These hands, though asian are no different than my white sisters, my black brothers, my indian friends.
The phalanges that extend from the wrists of this being have learned to color with crayons, write with a pencil, do cursive in permanent ink.
They have held my body in midair as I learned to do cartwheels.
They have gracefully interpreted the emotions of a classical ballet piece.
They have gripped a tennis racquet, with sweat in between the leather and my epidermis, while running around on a court in hundred degree weather.
These hands have had my fingers jammed from 'setting' the volley ball for my fellow players.
These hands have created many a artistic projects for my family and friends on special and non-special occasions.
These long, somewhat slender fingers have dreamed of being a concert pianist while playing the ever challenging musical piece 'chop sticks'.
My hands have held the very hands of my husband from day one to the present, every day.
My hands are the tools in which I have learned many skills that employed me, have given me joy, have gotten me in trouble, have covered my mouth in a frozen surprise, have waved hello and goodbye to many loved ones through the years.
These hands with many miles on them are still young in years, and yet with so much life in them still, that I need not be surprised by what they will do for me next.
These hands have so desired, along with my heart, to embrace a lost child, an orphaned child, a sickly child, my own child,
So as the years have come and gone, these hands, my hands have allowed me to comfort the hurting, celebrate with a loved one, hugged a homeless person, clapped at a child's accomplishment or silliness, caressed the face of a newborn baby, and spoken another language through signing.
These hands, my hands have given little, have taken much and seek more ways to be used in the life of others.
These hands that have been so carefully and wonderfully made perfect, as well asfunctional, await for the abundance of new work, more sorrow, always ready to get dirty, waiting for a future of continued purpose.
Thank you, god, for these hands...
These hands were the cilia that helped me figure out my world as a small child.
These hands, though asian are no different than my white sisters, my black brothers, my indian friends.
The phalanges that extend from the wrists of this being have learned to color with crayons, write with a pencil, do cursive in permanent ink.
They have held my body in midair as I learned to do cartwheels.
They have gracefully interpreted the emotions of a classical ballet piece.
They have gripped a tennis racquet, with sweat in between the leather and my epidermis, while running around on a court in hundred degree weather.
These hands have had my fingers jammed from 'setting' the volley ball for my fellow players.
These hands have created many a artistic projects for my family and friends on special and non-special occasions.
These long, somewhat slender fingers have dreamed of being a concert pianist while playing the ever challenging musical piece 'chop sticks'.
My hands have held the very hands of my husband from day one to the present, every day.
My hands are the tools in which I have learned many skills that employed me, have given me joy, have gotten me in trouble, have covered my mouth in a frozen surprise, have waved hello and goodbye to many loved ones through the years.
These hands with many miles on them are still young in years, and yet with so much life in them still, that I need not be surprised by what they will do for me next.
These hands have so desired, along with my heart, to embrace a lost child, an orphaned child, a sickly child, my own child,
So as the years have come and gone, these hands, my hands have allowed me to comfort the hurting, celebrate with a loved one, hugged a homeless person, clapped at a child's accomplishment or silliness, caressed the face of a newborn baby, and spoken another language through signing.
These hands, my hands have given little, have taken much and seek more ways to be used in the life of others.
These hands that have been so carefully and wonderfully made perfect, as well asfunctional, await for the abundance of new work, more sorrow, always ready to get dirty, waiting for a future of continued purpose.
Thank you, god, for these hands...
Book: Mountains Beyond Mountains - by tracy kidder
The life and work of Paul Farmer. Between the pages I am currently reading, I am thoroughly enjoying each word, each paragraph. I want so much not to finish the book because I don't want this hero's story to end.
When I look back on the last few years and see the progression in which god has been taking me through the spiritual, the physical, the emotional, the relational and finally the passion-filled ride of my life, I am filled with a sense of gratitude. This is not to say that I have any one thing down firmly, but that in the search for my life's work, my life's purpose I have been able to see the slow development of where I may be heading. I have some grandiose ideas for sure, but if I am patient enough I will know in greater detail of what I will be soon working toward for the future.
I have been smart enough to have kept my eyes open and my heart ready for anything, in case something should spectacularly great happen for me. So far nothing on that level, but I have seen all the pieces beginning to make sense and begin processing the images of what are some of my passions.
• Compassion and empathy for the underdog.
• Compassion and sadness, empathy and a great desire to work on the plight of our children, our future.
• Anger, hate and madness over poverty, war, homelessness, disease, and women's issues.
• Sadness, frustration, anger of the working conditions, the pay and the treatment of migrant workers across the world.
• A sickened heart that slavery has never truly been abolished. It's quite rampant worldwide-but it's overlooked by all the other ills of society.
When reading such a book as Mountains Beyond Mountains, one realizes the power that we each have within to do something, as long as we have enough guts, timidity, anger, and courage to try to make changes as we encounter them.
I have for years felt a sense of that power, but now more than ever, I am beginning to develop the courage and the guts to be the change that I want to see.
I realize that I can never be like Paul Farmer in that I can just make things happen from the get-go, but now understand that I don't HAVE to be the one that is the creative force behind my social endeavors, but that I can partner with others that have the same passion and are implementing these things already. And as for myself it may simply be a matter of finding a way to use my gifts that may best fit the work of the affiliate(s).
I have always held myself in very high esteem in terms of expecting great things from myself, from being the creative, to pulling it off to receiving the glorification of my sweat equity. Basically it had to be all or nothing otherwise I wasn't going to get involved in any way. I had always felt that I could die knowing that I didn't need to lean on anyone else to accomplish what I desired. But somewhere down the road, with little to show for having such high self expectations, I realized that I can't throw the baby out with the bath-water, just because I wasn't the one to draw the bath. I believe this is a mark of maturity, of self-realization of my powerlessness, my need to no longer be in control and to not get due credit where credit is due.
I only wish I had accepted all of this much sooner in life, but then perhaps it has needed my taking this long to finally 'get it'.
I still desire to be some one great but only in the idea that I am able to help one, two, three or more children in some form that is outside of myself. Perhaps great in the sense of knowing I was being used fully for who I was created to be in this life.
I still will never be a Paul Farmer, but I certainly can piggyback on his immense desire for change in the lives of the poor, the children, the women, the sick and the dying.
Thanks, Paul Farmer, for your inspiration and for your true example of what humanitarian work really looks like. I will forever be grateful for your legacy and simply your living by example.
When I look back on the last few years and see the progression in which god has been taking me through the spiritual, the physical, the emotional, the relational and finally the passion-filled ride of my life, I am filled with a sense of gratitude. This is not to say that I have any one thing down firmly, but that in the search for my life's work, my life's purpose I have been able to see the slow development of where I may be heading. I have some grandiose ideas for sure, but if I am patient enough I will know in greater detail of what I will be soon working toward for the future.
I have been smart enough to have kept my eyes open and my heart ready for anything, in case something should spectacularly great happen for me. So far nothing on that level, but I have seen all the pieces beginning to make sense and begin processing the images of what are some of my passions.
• Compassion and empathy for the underdog.
• Compassion and sadness, empathy and a great desire to work on the plight of our children, our future.
• Anger, hate and madness over poverty, war, homelessness, disease, and women's issues.
• Sadness, frustration, anger of the working conditions, the pay and the treatment of migrant workers across the world.
• A sickened heart that slavery has never truly been abolished. It's quite rampant worldwide-but it's overlooked by all the other ills of society.
When reading such a book as Mountains Beyond Mountains, one realizes the power that we each have within to do something, as long as we have enough guts, timidity, anger, and courage to try to make changes as we encounter them.
I have for years felt a sense of that power, but now more than ever, I am beginning to develop the courage and the guts to be the change that I want to see.
I realize that I can never be like Paul Farmer in that I can just make things happen from the get-go, but now understand that I don't HAVE to be the one that is the creative force behind my social endeavors, but that I can partner with others that have the same passion and are implementing these things already. And as for myself it may simply be a matter of finding a way to use my gifts that may best fit the work of the affiliate(s).
I have always held myself in very high esteem in terms of expecting great things from myself, from being the creative, to pulling it off to receiving the glorification of my sweat equity. Basically it had to be all or nothing otherwise I wasn't going to get involved in any way. I had always felt that I could die knowing that I didn't need to lean on anyone else to accomplish what I desired. But somewhere down the road, with little to show for having such high self expectations, I realized that I can't throw the baby out with the bath-water, just because I wasn't the one to draw the bath. I believe this is a mark of maturity, of self-realization of my powerlessness, my need to no longer be in control and to not get due credit where credit is due.
I only wish I had accepted all of this much sooner in life, but then perhaps it has needed my taking this long to finally 'get it'.
I still desire to be some one great but only in the idea that I am able to help one, two, three or more children in some form that is outside of myself. Perhaps great in the sense of knowing I was being used fully for who I was created to be in this life.
I still will never be a Paul Farmer, but I certainly can piggyback on his immense desire for change in the lives of the poor, the children, the women, the sick and the dying.
Thanks, Paul Farmer, for your inspiration and for your true example of what humanitarian work really looks like. I will forever be grateful for your legacy and simply your living by example.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
The Glory of A Returned Journey : poetry by kim
The hills beyond the grassland whispers of things to come, to see and enjoy.
Walking knee deep in the golden thresh, of the sway, of the grass brings to mind the journey one must take to reach the next moment of exhilaration.
The air is stale making the lungs work greater for deeper breaths.
The humidity of the day does not let on that it will reprieve itself from the cloudy sky.
Reaching deep within the confines of this biological, skeletal being, the muscles work to move every joint, every member in a rhythmic cadence.
The quiet crushing of grass underfoot is a reminder that it's an intruder wandering this land of ancestors.
The surroundings are lush and green.
There are vast pockets of water that seem almost frozen with movement.
The air is foreign to this being, this intruder, who continues on its way to the next new moment.
There seems to be a noisy quietness that overwhelms the grassland, as it supports the hills from below.
The grassland teems with a great amount of life, wild, free, and unpretentious to its friends the hills.
The hills themselves seem to speak of a more quiet air that even dare say seems more sacred, more holy.
As each footing moves forward in direction, the ears are open, the heart is beating quickly, the mind works to recall perhaps a hint of familiarity, and the eyes are simply overwhelmed.
The aroma of this land is pungent, foreign, repulsive, yet welcoming to this intruder.
Just beyond the grassland and these hills bounds a more rambunctious bit of life beyond the horizon of this land.
The whizzing of motor bikes, the smells of fresh dishes, the chatter of a people selling their goods, street-side.
The noise is most overwhelming and constant but speaks of the goings on of a people in perpetual motion.
There are delicacies to be had, fresh from a boiling pot, there are trinkets made by hand, and drinks to be shared with another.
The sites and sounds only begin to subside as the day slowly draws to dusk, but the remnants of the days activities are still fresh in one's mind.
You'd think with all the noise of the township, that it would clearly echo its voice loudly and clearly to the quiet of the grasslands and hills, but neither knows of the other except by way of the traveling beings from one place to the other. Only to speak of such things when the other is not near.
This intruder prefers the quiet of the farmland, while its adventurous side looks forward to another day in the land of the masses. But only to return to the grassy lands where the vast pools of water, that mirror the hills from beyond, as though they were within reach.
This journey has only just begun and whether this has all been in one's head or whether it's footing has actually touched the quiet grassland, there could never be another journey quite like this - of one returning to one's motherland.
Walking knee deep in the golden thresh, of the sway, of the grass brings to mind the journey one must take to reach the next moment of exhilaration.
The air is stale making the lungs work greater for deeper breaths.
The humidity of the day does not let on that it will reprieve itself from the cloudy sky.
Reaching deep within the confines of this biological, skeletal being, the muscles work to move every joint, every member in a rhythmic cadence.
The quiet crushing of grass underfoot is a reminder that it's an intruder wandering this land of ancestors.
The surroundings are lush and green.
There are vast pockets of water that seem almost frozen with movement.
The air is foreign to this being, this intruder, who continues on its way to the next new moment.
There seems to be a noisy quietness that overwhelms the grassland, as it supports the hills from below.
The grassland teems with a great amount of life, wild, free, and unpretentious to its friends the hills.
The hills themselves seem to speak of a more quiet air that even dare say seems more sacred, more holy.
As each footing moves forward in direction, the ears are open, the heart is beating quickly, the mind works to recall perhaps a hint of familiarity, and the eyes are simply overwhelmed.
The aroma of this land is pungent, foreign, repulsive, yet welcoming to this intruder.
Just beyond the grassland and these hills bounds a more rambunctious bit of life beyond the horizon of this land.
The whizzing of motor bikes, the smells of fresh dishes, the chatter of a people selling their goods, street-side.
The noise is most overwhelming and constant but speaks of the goings on of a people in perpetual motion.
There are delicacies to be had, fresh from a boiling pot, there are trinkets made by hand, and drinks to be shared with another.
The sites and sounds only begin to subside as the day slowly draws to dusk, but the remnants of the days activities are still fresh in one's mind.
You'd think with all the noise of the township, that it would clearly echo its voice loudly and clearly to the quiet of the grasslands and hills, but neither knows of the other except by way of the traveling beings from one place to the other. Only to speak of such things when the other is not near.
This intruder prefers the quiet of the farmland, while its adventurous side looks forward to another day in the land of the masses. But only to return to the grassy lands where the vast pools of water, that mirror the hills from beyond, as though they were within reach.
This journey has only just begun and whether this has all been in one's head or whether it's footing has actually touched the quiet grassland, there could never be another journey quite like this - of one returning to one's motherland.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
To Compassionately Listen to One Another....
The tower of babble was created because of our lack of listening to one another and our not get along with each other. Hence the many languages we now have so that we would have to truly work at getting along. Which in the end meant taking the time to listen compassionately to one another.
Somewhere deep down we truly are all the same. We are simply looking for the same things in life, the meaning of life, the explanation of illnesses, the meaning of our place in society, the baggage we all carry from our families, from our relationships, why some of us are gay and not others, why we have so many choices in life to choose from, why whole wheat bread today and sourdough tomorrow, why eat meat only but no carbs, and then to eat carbs only and no meat, to which brand of toothpaste do I buy? ETC!
These things, simply stated by my simple way of thinking, is that we are to truly be looking out for and loving others before ourselves. In this "ME" society, it is all about the language. It is whether others are willing to communicate with me in the way that I feel good about, or encourages me or makes me look good or making me feel understood. BUT on the other hand, we really are suppose to be firmly looking out for others - for their needs, their comfort, their ability to be and feel understood.
We have so missed the point of living in this world. We are a bunch of selfish, cry babies, who when not getting one's way will cry out with outrage, words of unfairness, words of inequality, words of racism, words of MY rights, words of OUR freedom, words of your trees on MY property, ETC!
No wonder there are so many choices. I think god had a great sense of humor by creating choices. God wanted to just to see where we would end up on the selfish meter. MOST OF US FAILED! Myself included. Man, that's harsh but when we begin to look at the lives and situations of others, we can often return to our own lives and see the same mistakes, the same longings, the same questions that all of us have and in helping others, often times we are able to work out our own situations. If nothing else, simply having compassion for another should be enough.
We were meant to be living in community - TOGETHER - as one people regardless of color, gender, race, sexual orientation, and religious or political views.
Our division is simply by our own hand, our own bigotry, our own choice not to accept others for who and what they are.
We need to continue to learn how to listen, without self-inclusion, to one another for the sake of our kids, our country, our world.
War is not the answer. In the end there really is NO WINNER when it comes to the game of Life. It simply is whether we are willing to listen, love and or accept one another to the best that we can and being mindful of what life would be like if everyone were compassionately listening to one another.
Take the time NOW to get to know your neighbors, your coworkers, your extended family members, those who work in public jobs, etc. BEGIN NOW to think of OTHERS before yourself. What can you do for someone else? Then look to yourself and continue to work on those things you need to take care of.
Begin NOW listening to one another... We have a vast, global area in which to work on these things - from sea to shining sea.
"Be the change that you want to see" - Gandhi
Shalom,
Kim
Somewhere deep down we truly are all the same. We are simply looking for the same things in life, the meaning of life, the explanation of illnesses, the meaning of our place in society, the baggage we all carry from our families, from our relationships, why some of us are gay and not others, why we have so many choices in life to choose from, why whole wheat bread today and sourdough tomorrow, why eat meat only but no carbs, and then to eat carbs only and no meat, to which brand of toothpaste do I buy? ETC!
These things, simply stated by my simple way of thinking, is that we are to truly be looking out for and loving others before ourselves. In this "ME" society, it is all about the language. It is whether others are willing to communicate with me in the way that I feel good about, or encourages me or makes me look good or making me feel understood. BUT on the other hand, we really are suppose to be firmly looking out for others - for their needs, their comfort, their ability to be and feel understood.
We have so missed the point of living in this world. We are a bunch of selfish, cry babies, who when not getting one's way will cry out with outrage, words of unfairness, words of inequality, words of racism, words of MY rights, words of OUR freedom, words of your trees on MY property, ETC!
No wonder there are so many choices. I think god had a great sense of humor by creating choices. God wanted to just to see where we would end up on the selfish meter. MOST OF US FAILED! Myself included. Man, that's harsh but when we begin to look at the lives and situations of others, we can often return to our own lives and see the same mistakes, the same longings, the same questions that all of us have and in helping others, often times we are able to work out our own situations. If nothing else, simply having compassion for another should be enough.
We were meant to be living in community - TOGETHER - as one people regardless of color, gender, race, sexual orientation, and religious or political views.
Our division is simply by our own hand, our own bigotry, our own choice not to accept others for who and what they are.
We need to continue to learn how to listen, without self-inclusion, to one another for the sake of our kids, our country, our world.
War is not the answer. In the end there really is NO WINNER when it comes to the game of Life. It simply is whether we are willing to listen, love and or accept one another to the best that we can and being mindful of what life would be like if everyone were compassionately listening to one another.
Take the time NOW to get to know your neighbors, your coworkers, your extended family members, those who work in public jobs, etc. BEGIN NOW to think of OTHERS before yourself. What can you do for someone else? Then look to yourself and continue to work on those things you need to take care of.
Begin NOW listening to one another... We have a vast, global area in which to work on these things - from sea to shining sea.
"Be the change that you want to see" - Gandhi
Shalom,
Kim
Kim's Library...
NOTE: Most books can be found on Amazon
{except title with (*)}
CURENTLY READING:
Gandhi: An Autobiograpy: Gandhi
Jason Bourne Newest in series
As Nature Made Him - John Colapinto
A Fine Balance: Rohinton Mistry
Living Buddha, Living Christ: Thich Nhat Hanh
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress: Dai Sijie
Colors of the Mountain: Da Chen
Wasted: Marya Hornbacher
Video: The Oregon Trail - to be watched
JUST RECENTLY FINISHED:
A Journey Through Mississippi - Tony Dunbar
Orphans of War - Rosemary Taylor*
Children of AIDS - Emma Guest
Black Death: AIDS in Africa - Susan Hunter
Mountains Beyond Mountains - Tracy Kidder
Snow in August - Peter Hamill
47th St. Black - Bayo Ojikutu
Acquainted with the Night - Paul Raeburn
To Africa with Spatula - Jane Lotter
LISTING OF BOOKS I DESIRE TO READ:
Lucky Child - Loung Ung
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl - Harriet Jacobs
My Bondage and My Freedom - Frederick Douglass
Coming of Age in Mississippi - Anne Moody
Geisha, A Life - Mineko Iwasaki
Island of Hope, Island of Tears - Brownstone, Franck & Brownstone
The Passing of the Night - General Robinson Risner
Waiting for Snow in Havana - Carlos Eire
The Sacred Willow - Duong Van Mai Elliot
Wanderings - Chaim Potok
Alicia: My Story - Alicia Appleman-Jurman
Let Us Now Praise Famous Men - Agee and Evans
Country of My Skull - Antjie Krog
Wild Swans:Lost Daughters - Karin Evans
When Heaven and Earth Traded Places - Le Hayslip
Faith and Betrayal - Sally Denton
{except title with (*)}
CURENTLY READING:
Gandhi: An Autobiograpy: Gandhi
Jason Bourne Newest in series
As Nature Made Him - John Colapinto
A Fine Balance: Rohinton Mistry
Living Buddha, Living Christ: Thich Nhat Hanh
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress: Dai Sijie
Colors of the Mountain: Da Chen
Wasted: Marya Hornbacher
Video: The Oregon Trail - to be watched
JUST RECENTLY FINISHED:
A Journey Through Mississippi - Tony Dunbar
Orphans of War - Rosemary Taylor*
Children of AIDS - Emma Guest
Black Death: AIDS in Africa - Susan Hunter
Mountains Beyond Mountains - Tracy Kidder
Snow in August - Peter Hamill
47th St. Black - Bayo Ojikutu
Acquainted with the Night - Paul Raeburn
To Africa with Spatula - Jane Lotter
LISTING OF BOOKS I DESIRE TO READ:
Lucky Child - Loung Ung
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl - Harriet Jacobs
My Bondage and My Freedom - Frederick Douglass
Coming of Age in Mississippi - Anne Moody
Geisha, A Life - Mineko Iwasaki
Island of Hope, Island of Tears - Brownstone, Franck & Brownstone
The Passing of the Night - General Robinson Risner
Waiting for Snow in Havana - Carlos Eire
The Sacred Willow - Duong Van Mai Elliot
Wanderings - Chaim Potok
Alicia: My Story - Alicia Appleman-Jurman
Let Us Now Praise Famous Men - Agee and Evans
Country of My Skull - Antjie Krog
Wild Swans:Lost Daughters - Karin Evans
When Heaven and Earth Traded Places - Le Hayslip
Faith and Betrayal - Sally Denton
Quote: dr. martin luther king, jr
"An individual has not started living until she can rise above the narrow confines of her individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.
--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Some Sites to Engage Yourself In:
Do Something - Get Involved!
AIDS/DEBT/AFRICA:
http://bolamoyo.com/
http://www.jubileeusa.org/
http://www.uua.org/uuawo/new/article.php?id=307
http://allafrica.com/malawi/
http://www.friendsofmalawi.org/
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/default.stm
http://www.nationmalawi.com/
http://www.afsc.org/africa/new-africa/default.htm
http://www.forusa.org/
http://www.africadaily.com/
http://www.aidshealth.org/
http://www.malawi.com/
http://www.un.org/
http://www.workingforchange.com/activism/action.cfm?itemid=18360
http://www.womenforwomen.org/DRCpop.html
http://www.womenforwomen.org/ProjectIndependence/index.htm
http://www.mercatus.org/socialchange/subcategory.php/41.html
http://www.alertnet.org/
http://peacecorpsonline.org/messages/messages/467/3375.html
http://www.hivportland.org/resources/infocus.html
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/africa/
http://www.usafricaonline.com/
http://www.farmafrica.org.uk/
http://twnafrica.org/
http://www.africawoman.net/
http://www.friendsofmalawi.org/
http://www.malawiproject.org/
http://lilongwe.usembassy.gov/
http://www.usaid.gov/locations/sub-saharan_africa/countries/malawi/
http://www.careinternational.org.uk/cares_work/where/malawi/
http://web.amnesty.org/web/ar2002.nsf/afr/malawi?Open
http://www.unicef.org/infobycountry/malawi.html
http://www.vso.org.uk/about/cprofiles/malawi.asp
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/ican/C2152
http://www.inequality.org/farmer2.html
http://web.worldbank.org/
ViETNAM/ADOPTION/ADOPTEES:
http://van-online.org/
http://motherlandtour.com/
http://www.wingluke.org/
http://www.operationreunite.com/
http://www.sonyclassics.com/comingsoon.php?filmid=60&page=1
http://www.adoptvietnam.org/adoption/babylift-index.htm
http://www.geocities.com/vnwomensforum/index.html
http://www.acwp.org/
http://www.catalystfoundation.org/When_You_Were_Born_In_Vietnam.htm
SOCIAL ACTION GROUPS/MISC:
http://www.saveaslave.com/
http://www.freetheslaves.net/home.php
http://www.humantrafficking.com/humantrafficking/
http://www.iabolish.com/index.htm
http://www.trafficking.org.ph/
http://www.state.gov/g/tip/
http://www.idealist.org/en/ip/idealist/MyIdealist/Register/default?SID=e1f12fc0be5139054996eb5c49467cf3
http://www.gandhiinstitute.org/
http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/mahatma_ghandi.htm
http://archives.obs-us.com/obs/english/books/Mandela/Mandela.html
http://www.oskarschindler.com/
http://www.shoah.dk/
http://nobelprize.org/
http://www.machers.com/Default.aspx?tabid=42
http://www.barclayagency.com/lamott.html
AIDS/DEBT/AFRICA:
http://bolamoyo.com/
http://www.jubileeusa.org/
http://www.uua.org/uuawo/new/article.php?id=307
http://allafrica.com/malawi/
http://www.friendsofmalawi.org/
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/default.stm
http://www.nationmalawi.com/
http://www.afsc.org/africa/new-africa/default.htm
http://www.forusa.org/
http://www.africadaily.com/
http://www.aidshealth.org/
http://www.malawi.com/
http://www.un.org/
http://www.workingforchange.com/activism/action.cfm?itemid=18360
http://www.womenforwomen.org/DRCpop.html
http://www.womenforwomen.org/ProjectIndependence/index.htm
http://www.mercatus.org/socialchange/subcategory.php/41.html
http://www.alertnet.org/
http://peacecorpsonline.org/messages/messages/467/3375.html
http://www.hivportland.org/resources/infocus.html
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/africa/
http://www.usafricaonline.com/
http://www.farmafrica.org.uk/
http://twnafrica.org/
http://www.africawoman.net/
http://www.friendsofmalawi.org/
http://www.malawiproject.org/
http://lilongwe.usembassy.gov/
http://www.usaid.gov/locations/sub-saharan_africa/countries/malawi/
http://www.careinternational.org.uk/cares_work/where/malawi/
http://web.amnesty.org/web/ar2002.nsf/afr/malawi?Open
http://www.unicef.org/infobycountry/malawi.html
http://www.vso.org.uk/about/cprofiles/malawi.asp
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/ican/C2152
http://www.inequality.org/farmer2.html
http://web.worldbank.org/
ViETNAM/ADOPTION/ADOPTEES:
http://van-online.org/
http://motherlandtour.com/
http://www.wingluke.org/
http://www.operationreunite.com/
http://www.sonyclassics.com/comingsoon.php?filmid=60&page=1
http://www.adoptvietnam.org/adoption/babylift-index.htm
http://www.geocities.com/vnwomensforum/index.html
http://www.acwp.org/
http://www.catalystfoundation.org/When_You_Were_Born_In_Vietnam.htm
SOCIAL ACTION GROUPS/MISC:
http://www.saveaslave.com/
http://www.freetheslaves.net/home.php
http://www.humantrafficking.com/humantrafficking/
http://www.iabolish.com/index.htm
http://www.trafficking.org.ph/
http://www.state.gov/g/tip/
http://www.idealist.org/en/ip/idealist/MyIdealist/Register/default?SID=e1f12fc0be5139054996eb5c49467cf3
http://www.gandhiinstitute.org/
http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/mahatma_ghandi.htm
http://archives.obs-us.com/obs/english/books/Mandela/Mandela.html
http://www.oskarschindler.com/
http://www.shoah.dk/
http://nobelprize.org/
http://www.machers.com/Default.aspx?tabid=42
http://www.barclayagency.com/lamott.html
I Want to be Some One Great...
Who can heal the wounded at every moment of sorrow, to catch them as a safety for when the fall comes and the will to live, to move forward, to take the next step, to get back up, to the deep ache within, to the first drop of tear that has bound them unmoved.
Who can be there at death's door for those who have nobody to say goodbye to them. Nobody to tell them they were loved, wanted, desired, special, someone important, a friend, a sister, brother, daughter, son, grandson, grandfather, grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousin, or someone that some one met for just a brief moment and was struck by their very presence.
Who touches and caresses the faces, the bodies of the lepers of today - AIDS of whole families, AIDS of Africa, AIDS of India, AIDS of the underworld of slavery, AIDS of prostitution, AIDS of all colors, races, ethnic lines, gender lines, AIDS of infants, AIDS of grandparents, AIDS of health workers, AIDS of heterosexuals, AIDS of homosexuals, AIDS from every land, every continent, every nation, every tribe, every person who breathe the deadly disease of AIDS, and will take their last breath leaving some one behind to fend for themselves. I want to pick up and help and encourage those who are left behind. I want to make their lives better, healthier, and prosperous.
Who can take every child who lives in poverty, in abusive homes, in neglected homes, the filth of human waste, in the filth of neglect, in the struggling parents/family members striving to make a decent living at poverty level, in the filth of prostitution, in the filth of slavery, in the filth of a foster system that struggles to place these kids. Oh how I wish no child would ever know what it was like to be hungry, in want, in need, in filth, in an empty home while their parents have to work. Oh to be able to gather every one of these children and hold them, caress them, love on them and know that I have answers to all of their problems, that I would be able to save them from this wretched world we call home and provide the very things they need, in which no amount of money could ever buy.
Who looks beyond the monstrosity of today's world problems and is able to create, to begin a venture in which my life is viable not by my own living, but by working out of those things that anger me, that cause me to hate, to cry a river, to have another replace their lives for mine, to curl up with such a greatness of pain that it seems it will take my own life just by the very thought of other's difficult lives.
Though to be great doesn't mean having all the answers nor being able to solve all the problems, but being an idealist, it is my hope to never stop working toward something greater than myself.
I want to be some one great who does at least one thing that is important in life. In which it will make my life more worthwhile for living and knowing I didn't waste my time here on earth thinking only about myself.
I want to be some one great!
Who can be there at death's door for those who have nobody to say goodbye to them. Nobody to tell them they were loved, wanted, desired, special, someone important, a friend, a sister, brother, daughter, son, grandson, grandfather, grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousin, or someone that some one met for just a brief moment and was struck by their very presence.
Who touches and caresses the faces, the bodies of the lepers of today - AIDS of whole families, AIDS of Africa, AIDS of India, AIDS of the underworld of slavery, AIDS of prostitution, AIDS of all colors, races, ethnic lines, gender lines, AIDS of infants, AIDS of grandparents, AIDS of health workers, AIDS of heterosexuals, AIDS of homosexuals, AIDS from every land, every continent, every nation, every tribe, every person who breathe the deadly disease of AIDS, and will take their last breath leaving some one behind to fend for themselves. I want to pick up and help and encourage those who are left behind. I want to make their lives better, healthier, and prosperous.
Who can take every child who lives in poverty, in abusive homes, in neglected homes, the filth of human waste, in the filth of neglect, in the struggling parents/family members striving to make a decent living at poverty level, in the filth of prostitution, in the filth of slavery, in the filth of a foster system that struggles to place these kids. Oh how I wish no child would ever know what it was like to be hungry, in want, in need, in filth, in an empty home while their parents have to work. Oh to be able to gather every one of these children and hold them, caress them, love on them and know that I have answers to all of their problems, that I would be able to save them from this wretched world we call home and provide the very things they need, in which no amount of money could ever buy.
Who looks beyond the monstrosity of today's world problems and is able to create, to begin a venture in which my life is viable not by my own living, but by working out of those things that anger me, that cause me to hate, to cry a river, to have another replace their lives for mine, to curl up with such a greatness of pain that it seems it will take my own life just by the very thought of other's difficult lives.
Though to be great doesn't mean having all the answers nor being able to solve all the problems, but being an idealist, it is my hope to never stop working toward something greater than myself.
I want to be some one great who does at least one thing that is important in life. In which it will make my life more worthwhile for living and knowing I didn't waste my time here on earth thinking only about myself.
I want to be some one great!
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Wealth Overload:
I just recently cleaned out my closet full of clothes galore. And then many months prior I had had yard sale. So the bug to clean up, sweep out, and be rid of clutter that has found its way into our abode, is prevalent once more in my bones.
First off, there is one area I struggle with going to. I find myself being sickened when I walk through a grocery store, with the gazillion brands of the same products, aisle upon aisle, expiration dates soon to be noted, There is just something about all that food, the gross amount of choice we have at our disposal and thinking that the local jesus center should be getting their goods there for free on a weekly basis. But unfortunately, they are dependent on donations by these kinds of businesses. So whenever the business has an overstock of an item(s) or just about outdated product, they give it to the Jesus Center, the Salvation Army and the like. I know, I have worked for the Salvation Army and I know what businesses give and what they do not give. Sure, when Christmas rolls around, they are more generous, but not much more. Salvation Army still has to pay for many of the turkeys that the businesses are 'donating'. Give me a break! I know Salvation Army is thankful for what donations they can get, particularly in a small town where they are having to compete with all of the holiday good will and requests from non-profits, groups, etc.
But by golly, for the Jesus Center or Salvation Army to have to literally beg, albeit nicely, for donations is a crime. They are serving a purpose in feeding those who others would never invite to their home or hand them a few dollar bills or buy them a meal at nice a restaurant. They are contributing to the human condition of making it more tolerable, more purposeful for these folks who find themselves in conditions they probably never imagined being in.
So, to walk the aisles of any grocery store just burns the core of me. I just want to take a U-Haul and drive it into the buildings and take all that a 48 foot truck could hold of goods and necessities.
It's not only the grocery stores, but it's the clothing stores, the mall, the restaurants, the whole damn societal view of getting, and then giving it away after we're done with it. How repulsive this habitual activity really is.
I am guilty of this monstrosity and am working on changing these ways so that the finger isn't being pointed at myself for the soapbox I am shouting from, and yet not doing a damn thing with my words.
The need to live more simply is a great goal, but it is still in the works of being fully realized. Granted it is difficult to part with your good dishes when you have a set of twenty year old Corell that you'd rather give away or sell. I am trying to work on the mindset that if I can't take anything with me when I'm dead, what purpose is all of this material good if only to buy new when the old gets useless for one's taste. But usefulness is one man's gain and another man's junk. I realize this but I no longer desire to live like this any more. Particularly this next stage of my life. I want to truly simplify and enjoy what I do have, and yet not give into the wild and gross consumerism of our society any longer.
I struggle with knowing I have an abundance, perhaps I am deserving of it and perhaps not, but regardless there are those out there who have real needs that can be met if only a greater number of us in every city, township, district, state we're willing to give all we can and have so others don't have to go without.
I need to continue to work in this area of my life. Some times I have found myself walking that fine line between having what I desire versus having things for the sake of having it.
Like I mentioned, I am a hypocrite in this area and still need to work on this particular area. I could use prayer in this area.
Shalom,
Kim
First off, there is one area I struggle with going to. I find myself being sickened when I walk through a grocery store, with the gazillion brands of the same products, aisle upon aisle, expiration dates soon to be noted, There is just something about all that food, the gross amount of choice we have at our disposal and thinking that the local jesus center should be getting their goods there for free on a weekly basis. But unfortunately, they are dependent on donations by these kinds of businesses. So whenever the business has an overstock of an item(s) or just about outdated product, they give it to the Jesus Center, the Salvation Army and the like. I know, I have worked for the Salvation Army and I know what businesses give and what they do not give. Sure, when Christmas rolls around, they are more generous, but not much more. Salvation Army still has to pay for many of the turkeys that the businesses are 'donating'. Give me a break! I know Salvation Army is thankful for what donations they can get, particularly in a small town where they are having to compete with all of the holiday good will and requests from non-profits, groups, etc.
But by golly, for the Jesus Center or Salvation Army to have to literally beg, albeit nicely, for donations is a crime. They are serving a purpose in feeding those who others would never invite to their home or hand them a few dollar bills or buy them a meal at nice a restaurant. They are contributing to the human condition of making it more tolerable, more purposeful for these folks who find themselves in conditions they probably never imagined being in.
So, to walk the aisles of any grocery store just burns the core of me. I just want to take a U-Haul and drive it into the buildings and take all that a 48 foot truck could hold of goods and necessities.
It's not only the grocery stores, but it's the clothing stores, the mall, the restaurants, the whole damn societal view of getting, and then giving it away after we're done with it. How repulsive this habitual activity really is.
I am guilty of this monstrosity and am working on changing these ways so that the finger isn't being pointed at myself for the soapbox I am shouting from, and yet not doing a damn thing with my words.
The need to live more simply is a great goal, but it is still in the works of being fully realized. Granted it is difficult to part with your good dishes when you have a set of twenty year old Corell that you'd rather give away or sell. I am trying to work on the mindset that if I can't take anything with me when I'm dead, what purpose is all of this material good if only to buy new when the old gets useless for one's taste. But usefulness is one man's gain and another man's junk. I realize this but I no longer desire to live like this any more. Particularly this next stage of my life. I want to truly simplify and enjoy what I do have, and yet not give into the wild and gross consumerism of our society any longer.
I struggle with knowing I have an abundance, perhaps I am deserving of it and perhaps not, but regardless there are those out there who have real needs that can be met if only a greater number of us in every city, township, district, state we're willing to give all we can and have so others don't have to go without.
I need to continue to work in this area of my life. Some times I have found myself walking that fine line between having what I desire versus having things for the sake of having it.
Like I mentioned, I am a hypocrite in this area and still need to work on this particular area. I could use prayer in this area.
Shalom,
Kim
We all have only one life to help make a difference
••A CHILD DIES EVERY 3 SECONDS FROM POVERTY••
http://www.one.org/
However, if all you can simply do, because you're frozen with the monstrosity of our global conditions, Prayer is always appreciated and will reach the masses. Thank you for this simple act, if nothing else.
Shalom,
Kim
http://www.one.org/
However, if all you can simply do, because you're frozen with the monstrosity of our global conditions, Prayer is always appreciated and will reach the masses. Thank you for this simple act, if nothing else.
Shalom,
Kim
Quote: dorothy sayers
"I believe it to be a great mistake to present Christianity as something charming and popular with no offense in it.... We cannot blink at the fact that gentle Jesus meek and mild was so stiff in his opinions and so inflammatory in his language that he was thrown out of church, stoned, hunted from place to place, and finally gibbeted as a firebrand and a public danger. Whatever his peace was, it was not the peace of an amiable indifference."
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
What makes up a happy camper: photo by michael
Posted by: kimthanh
H:uddled in the tent, cozy as can be
A:lways swatting at the mosquitos
P:acking the truck to the very brim
P:laying paddle ball while the waves of the lake kiss the shore
Y:acking and yacking beside the crackling campfire
C:atching the rays of morning through the pine trees
A:lways having to hike to the bathrooms
M:emories made sweeter with one's sweetheart and/or friends
P:icking out the various constellations in a clear, mountainous sky
E:choes of times gone by and the joy that was had
R:ejuvinating one's soul from the rat race of life
S:imple things in life bring the greatest appreciation and admiration
I:ce cold drinks to sip on while laying about on the ol' beach
N:o phone calls to make, take or ignore
T:ake the time to truly enjoy your surroundings
A:pply sunscreen where needed
H:op rock to rock while exploring the lake shore
O:nly the stressed need apply for the Happy Camper position
E:xpectations are not included in this vacation package
We Love Camping: photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
Boy, oh boy do we ever love camping!! That's one of the biggest highlights for our summers. Since we got married in the month of June, we try to escape the week before our anniversary or the week after. We can never spend enough time camping. I think we need to start taking two week camping trips. Just to make it worthwhile after all that we have to haul up, unpack and then pack back up. A week just doesn't cut it.
Luckily both Michael and I were in Scouts, boys and girls respectively. Of course, I really wanted to join the boys not the girls but they wouldn't allow that when i was growing up. I had to stick with the girls. Bummer.
So, we both know how to fix a great camp fire, we both know how to deal with the outdoor elements, we both know not to run if there is a snake in the path, and we both know how to put up a real tent, not just a pup or aka a lean to.
The smell of a campfire is powerful, invigorating, lively, enveloping, and there is just nothing quite like it. Unless you are camping literally on the beach which is a blast to do. Between the camp fire and the smell of the ocean. Whoa nelly!
Michael and I have differences when it comes to vacationing. I am the type to go, go, go and let's explore everything. Michael is the let's relax, read a book, take a nap and then let's go to the beach, relax, take a nap, etc. So it's been funny through the years finding the balance of relaxing, playing, exploring and enjoying our time away. But with my health stuff, I'm beginning to creep into the Michael style of vacationing. It's not so bad, it's just different. But its good too.
Michael is definitely my camping buddy and I wouldn't want anyone else. He's the best camper. And we always have so much fun together.
We are definitely a pair of HAPPY CAMPERS! Woohoo!
The time to escape is now!
Old Barn : photo/poem by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
This barn has such great character. Unfortunately, I was not able to get up close and personal to it. You see, it is in the middle of a housing development. Surrounded on three sides. The fourth side is their back pasture where they still keep cows. These cows are just on the other side of the fence, of my sister-in-law's new home.
I'm glad for them and their new house, I'm sad for the people who own the land with the barn. I hope they never sell their lot. It adds such character to the new urbanism that has invaded this place. What used to be a tranquil, country road, with country folk and country hearts.
I find such joy in the simple things of life. Finding a barn in the middle of suburbia is sad and yet quite ironic.
To coexist is to be willing to find a middle ground where one can enjoy the aroma of manure and green, green grass and the sounds of clanking hammers, as new homes are built up in no time. What a sad state of affairs. But it was eventually going to happen...but why my time?
How selfish of me to think such ways but that's because I'm a purist and a lover of the outdoors. And not with back to back housing developments.
So when I visit in Fresno, I will hopefully be able to enjoy the two clashing of the worlds for sometime to come. Hopefully the greedy will not push out or out buy the last patch of true green space, in the land of greater concrete.
Ode to my Abode:
Ode to my Abode
I see you green still today
I see you, my cows, chewing away
Ode to my Abode
The barbedwire fence is to keep the cows in
The rooster brings noisy life on the farm
And the simple buttercups sprinkled hither and tither
await for my grandchildren
picking and smelling and tesing who really likes butter more
Ode to my Abode
The ol' barn is rickety but firm
It's metal roofing aged with rain and weather
The stalls within are for warmth and cool spots
as the animals lay about
Ode to my Abode
The neighbors on the right are older
The neighbors on the left are younger
The neighbors in front have yet to move in
But still my abode is forever my home.
Ode to my Abode
May she remain until the day I die
May the greedy men kneel in repentance
May the heritage of my children and grandchildren
forever remain despite the surrounding of suburbia.
Ode to my Abode
The grass remains green on this side
The grass has been replaced with concreteon the
on the other side of my barbedwired fence
and my our cows always know where to turn to home
Where the grass will always be greener
Ode to my Abode
Forever for my kin
Akin to the ol' days
Where the future remained
no different than the past.
Ode to my Abode
Allowing Kids to be Kids: photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
As I've mentioned in a previous post, i am truly blessed to have so many nieces and nephews who call me aunt. Some of these kids are those whose parents I am extremely close with. Oh what fun it is for me to have this kind of relationship.
I know many granparents often say they wish they could have always been grandparents because you love 'em, spoil 'em and then hand them back. My role is also very much that way. Although I'd rather not give them back but keep them for myself. But unfortunately, parents want their kids back. I don't get it.
But one role I do appreciate that my friends and families allow me is to get to love and play with them as I wish. I'd say I'm a great influence in many aspects. First off, I know boundaries, I know how to speak with them firmly, I know how to discipline with love, and I know definitely how to have a wild and fun time!
There is always laughter, more noise and more silliness brought out in those kids when I'm around then under normal circumstances. Most of my friends are amazed and thankful for the peace and quiet when I leave. But I say, all the more for me next time! I haven't forgotten to include my husband, Michael, because he is just about as silly as I am when it comes to the kids, I guess he is just a wee bit more respectful of the parents than I perhapas am. I don't worry about getting into trouble. hehe!
I must say, when it comes to kids and restaurants, I pretty much try to obey the behavior rule, but once in awhile you just have to let kids be kids and watch the creativity unfold. Such as this photo. J and S were simply enjoying their time together and then I brought out the birthday party goodies, and then the creativity began. I was so proud of them!
I was laughing my head off at them, and I noted that others in the restaurant were too. It was a good thing the folks were very patient and enjoying the creativity and laughter of these kids. Of course, so was I.
The mom's were just smiling at me and wondering how it got that far. But I took full credit and the blame. I've always felt that life is way too short to not let the fun just happen and particularly now, as I am getting older, I especially believe that. In this day and age, kids are growing up way too fast as it is and responsible for far too much, and going, going far too much that they just don't have enough time to play, play out those things that make up being a child and the creativity that comes with their developing minds and spirits.
I am proud to be the one that can bring those things out in them and encourage it. I love every child that comes through my life, whether a sibling's, a friend's or just one i observe playing, in trying to figure out their world around them. What a joy it is to watch, observe, and breathe in. Children are the future on every continent, in every city, in every part of the word.
I pray that every child in this world could know the love, the freedom, the security and the endless possibilities for their lives. And that despite physical, spiritual or political lines holding them back, that they would be able to find the strength within to break through those barriers and become who they were made to be, in all of their glory. And if they are unable to find the strenght or the power within, that perhaps someone would be willing to give them a hand up and a better life.
It took one man's heart, one families courage to say yes, to adopt me and to take risks in loving, taking care of me, and taking a chance on me so that I could become the person I was/am made to be. It wasn't always easy but it could have been a hell of a lot worse for me if they had not come to my rescue. For this I am truly grateful.
If you are willing to love, adopt or care for a child of any age, I pray that you would greatly consider it and follow your heart.
Your life and the child's life will ever be so much richer in all respects.
Shalom,
Kim
Being Harassed by my Nephews: photo by Michael
Posted by: kimthanh
This is just a sampling of what happens to me when it comes to my nieces and nephews. Now that they are all bigger and taller than me, I don't have much over them. But I sure love them immensely!!!
To my nieces and nephews:
You allow the kid to come out in me
You accept me for my siliness and wackiness
Though i am and will always be smaller and shorter than any of you,
You still allow me to feel big, strong and protective of you
Your laughter is loud, your humor is bad but funny
Zach, you're the youngest but you still keep up pretty well with the
older ones. Your personality carries you in all things
Drewskie, Brian, Maggie(too!), Grant Fuj, Sambo, Grant T., Sister-Roo, Sammie, and Zach - I love each and every one of you with all of me and always will. I know I haven't always been there for all the important things in your lives, but please know I always have you in my heart and my love overflows to each of you abundantly.
Thank you for allowing me to not act my age with you, for sharing your thoughts, your dreams, and your laughter.
I can't wait to see each of you grow up to be amazing people who do amazing things, whatever that maybe. Regardless, I will always be proud of each of you no matter and love you no matter where we go and are in life.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for loving me, your short, asian and silly aunt Kim.
With all of my love to each and every one of you -
Love and Shalom,
Your FAVORITE aunt kim
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Those you may meet along the way: photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
I love this photo. This speaks to me of a great afternoon with some new friends in Oregon.
I was exhausted from our time with D and C but I didn't want to be rude and fall asleep while the rest of them visited.
Of course, as you can see, there is a cutie named D. He is sooo adorable, cute, rambunctious, very smart, very precocious and absolutely funny. As you can see, I enjoyed him. Well, while everyone else was getting to know one another more, I was having a blast keeping up with D. What a hoot!
But it wasn't just being with D. but with everyone. It was hearing stories, hearing of how P's family could help D and C while in Malawi, as P's family is from there and has great connections. But it was also great to hear from K and K about their time as Peace Corp members in Malawi and how it was returning to the states after their stint.
We spent a great deal of the afternoon with them and D and C have since returned just before they headed off to Malawi this last Wednesday, May 4th.
I look forward to a return trip to Oregon on many levels and look forward to spending more time, and getting better acquainted with the gang. It enriched my life.
If you get a chance, take a trip to Oregon and check it out. There is so much to do, the people so friendly and the weather is ideal for me and Michael.
Shalom,
Kim
Our Limits Transgressed: photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
Henry David Thoreau
We need the tonic of wildness, to wade sometimes in marshes where the bittern and the meadow-hen lurk, and hear the booming of the snipe; to smell the whispering sedge where only the wilder and more solitary fowl builds her nest, and the mink crawls with its belly close to the ground. We can never have enough of nature. We must be refreshed by the sight of inexhaustible vigor, vast and titanic features, the sea-coast with its wrecks, the wilderness with its living and its decaying trees, the thunder cloud, and the rain which lasts weeks and produces freshets. We need to witness our own limits transgressed, and some life pasturing freely where we never wander.
www.bruderhof.com
Monday, April 25, 2005
O' How I Weep..poetry by kim
O’ How I Weep...
O’ how I weep for the children as this world continues twirling on its apex.
Why are they the first to lose out?
I weep for the lost innocence of children and their need to grow up so quickly.
Why aren’t they playing more?
Why are they being cared for by a system that underpays and overcrowds the very people whose
hands these lives are in the care of?
Why must they come home to an empty house?
Why oh why is so much demanded of them so soon and so quickly by society, parents, schools?
O’ how I weep for the children from all over the world.
slavery, children having children, living in great poverty, living without parents, living with aging,
grandparents, being unwanted and unclaimed in a world where they supposably are the future.
I weep for the world as it continues to prove beyond comprehension, it’s ultimate displays of studidity -
through power hungary men, control freaks, war, aids, cancer, hunger, slavery,
injustice, famine, homelessness, substance abuse, violence, greed, ignorance,
alzheimer, dementia, patriarchal dominance
I weep for you and for me and those I don’t know.
O’ how I weep...it’s difficult to understand and as to why the tears come on suddenly and often.
my tears may trickle, may pour forth, may salt the earth but the one thing they don’t do is stop.
O’ how I weep for those who can’t weep.
their tears are dried up,
their lives are too difficult to comprehend,
there isn’t time for tears when you’re struggling to survive.
O’ how I weep...
Perhpas one day there will be no mre tears, no more crying and no more pain in this world.
O’ how I look toward such sweetness and with tears of joy.
O’ how I weep for the children as this world continues twirling on its apex.
Why are they the first to lose out?
I weep for the lost innocence of children and their need to grow up so quickly.
Why aren’t they playing more?
Why are they being cared for by a system that underpays and overcrowds the very people whose
hands these lives are in the care of?
Why must they come home to an empty house?
Why oh why is so much demanded of them so soon and so quickly by society, parents, schools?
O’ how I weep for the children from all over the world.
slavery, children having children, living in great poverty, living without parents, living with aging,
grandparents, being unwanted and unclaimed in a world where they supposably are the future.
I weep for the world as it continues to prove beyond comprehension, it’s ultimate displays of studidity -
through power hungary men, control freaks, war, aids, cancer, hunger, slavery,
injustice, famine, homelessness, substance abuse, violence, greed, ignorance,
alzheimer, dementia, patriarchal dominance
I weep for you and for me and those I don’t know.
O’ how I weep...it’s difficult to understand and as to why the tears come on suddenly and often.
my tears may trickle, may pour forth, may salt the earth but the one thing they don’t do is stop.
O’ how I weep for those who can’t weep.
their tears are dried up,
their lives are too difficult to comprehend,
there isn’t time for tears when you’re struggling to survive.
O’ how I weep...
Perhpas one day there will be no mre tears, no more crying and no more pain in this world.
O’ how I look toward such sweetness and with tears of joy.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Returning to the roots of my past, present and future
2005 has been an amazing year already. First off, my health issues are very slowly beginning to find their root causes; In the same arena, I'm feeling better than I was a year ago; New opportunties have surfaced that ignited an excitement in the very deepest part of me; I've been blessed to renew some old relationships; And I have been able to find an amazing network of other Vietnamese who were adopted, and met one in Portland when we visited two weeks ago. Since then I have been in email conversations with others like myself, and even from the same orphanage. It's been an pretty incredible high for me.
VAN - Vietnamese Adoptees Network was established by five adoptees who had similar and not so similar experiences in their lives that they wanted to reach out to others like themselves, and allow for each of us to share our own unique stories, see the very common thread we all have running through each one of us, and have a community to support the questions, the experiences, the hurts, the past, the joys and our futures as Vietnamese Adoptees.
http://van-online.org/ •and• http://motherlandtour.com/
However, in reading stories and listening to others chat about their lives, it brings a great sadness to me. We all know that we are suppose to feel blessed, lucky, fortunate, etc about having been adopted, but many of those in my new new community did not fair as well as I did. There have been stories of incredible abuse by parents, immediate family members, racism within the family and society, neglect, and so much more. But for those this new network is a true blessing, as they are able to express themselves, ask the hard questions and feel supported by what they are experiencing and feeling, that I hope every one of them will pull through with new and healthier views of themselves, their families and this society.
Please take a look at the VAN site as well as the other links that are within the site. You may just learn something new today or experience something you never would have expected.
I have so many people to thank for my adopted life and the journey I continue to explore. My parents, my siblings, my husband, Michael, my in-laws, my closests friends, my spiritual communty in Marin County, California, and those who have always loved and supported me regardless. I say, THANK YOU from the deepest part of my soul. I am just beginning to feel Vietnamese after all of these years. What a great feeling!
PLEASE, if you know of anyone or you, yourself are an adoptee, please write me or send them my way or to the VAN network site. I personally would love to meet those of you who are out there.
Shalom,
Kim
VAN - Vietnamese Adoptees Network was established by five adoptees who had similar and not so similar experiences in their lives that they wanted to reach out to others like themselves, and allow for each of us to share our own unique stories, see the very common thread we all have running through each one of us, and have a community to support the questions, the experiences, the hurts, the past, the joys and our futures as Vietnamese Adoptees.
http://van-online.org/ •and• http://motherlandtour.com/
However, in reading stories and listening to others chat about their lives, it brings a great sadness to me. We all know that we are suppose to feel blessed, lucky, fortunate, etc about having been adopted, but many of those in my new new community did not fair as well as I did. There have been stories of incredible abuse by parents, immediate family members, racism within the family and society, neglect, and so much more. But for those this new network is a true blessing, as they are able to express themselves, ask the hard questions and feel supported by what they are experiencing and feeling, that I hope every one of them will pull through with new and healthier views of themselves, their families and this society.
Please take a look at the VAN site as well as the other links that are within the site. You may just learn something new today or experience something you never would have expected.
I have so many people to thank for my adopted life and the journey I continue to explore. My parents, my siblings, my husband, Michael, my in-laws, my closests friends, my spiritual communty in Marin County, California, and those who have always loved and supported me regardless. I say, THANK YOU from the deepest part of my soul. I am just beginning to feel Vietnamese after all of these years. What a great feeling!
PLEASE, if you know of anyone or you, yourself are an adoptee, please write me or send them my way or to the VAN network site. I personally would love to meet those of you who are out there.
Shalom,
Kim
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Oh my, she's saying swear words
Today has been very trying. I'm just not sure what my heart is feeling nor how to truly express it in all of its fullness. The mind wanders to and fro wondering what to think next. The heart is heavy and unwanting of it's present condition. The eyes tearless though on the verge at any given moment. The thoughts swirling, twirling, whirling round about with no where to really land. Life feels like a tumbleweed. Rough around the edges, spiked in all directions, weightless, and easily thrown from here to there to who knows where. The lone warrior in a mass of desert land. I was able to swear out loud, in writing, in my mind, in my heart and way deep down where it echoes in silence. Sometimes one needs a good swearing session. Like a good cry. I swore to no end using words that I detest yet gleemed at the sound of their every syllable. It felt good. Like jumping into Lake Tahoe in May. Refreshing. What the F***! What the H***! What a Sh**** crying shame! Why is it when these words are said in a foreign tongue, they just don't sound so harsh nor like swear words? I will admit, Sh** is my favorite and only swear word used when we're about to hit the car in front of us, or when a loud and unsuspecting sound shakes the warm liquid from my bladder. H*** really doesn't seem very offensive to me, but then maybe it makes those religious ones feel closer to that destination than they are desiring. F*** is definitely a crappy word and I only use it in extreme measures - when I've had a trying day and I don't know what other words fit to describe it. To H*** with today. There is always tomorrow. Oh, Crap!
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Male Friendships
Posted by: kimthanh
First off, I love my husband. Secondly, I appreciate the fact that my husband deals well with my being able to be friends with other men. Since I was young, I had always been able to relate better to boys, guys, and men. Perhaps some of that had to do with my being a tomboy or who knows what. Regardless, there are so many men in my life that I adore as a friends and/or brothers. This photo is one such person that I adore. His spirit is soft spoken, he's authentic and has a very wry sense of humor. But he is also very vulnerable, caring and very thoughtful. It's funny, because when I first met him, he actually didn't take to me too well. I was too huggy of a person, to open and I'm not sure what else, but I know he used to literally run away from me. At first, I thought it was a joke, but then very soon realized he was not playing a game. But over time and getting together in a group of friends, our relationship grew. He is just so funny, has a great smile and definitely one of those friends where if you don't see each other for a while or longer, we always return to where we left off. I so appreciate that and feel very fortunate that my husband, Michael, and I have a great deal of friendships that are that way. This friend's life inspires me though I can not put it into words. This friend has reached deep inside himself to be vulnerable, weak yet strong too, and yet a great example of how I wish some men would allow themselves to be, not always feel they need to be macho or just strong.
B. you're the greatest. Thanks for your friendship all these years. Look forward to your visit with us soon.
Love and Shalom,
Kim
Oh, that cute baby face! photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
Oh, Michael and I LOVE being uncle and aunts to so many nieces and nephews within our own families. And we so enjoy and love being called uncle and aunt to so many of our friend's kids. I feel so blessed, truly since we have not been able to have our own kids so far. I am such a kid lover and such a kid myself that I so enjoy their company, their laughter, their innocence, their amazing questions and memories of stories, and of course that baby smell!!! That itself is the closest thing to heaven for me.
Kids just keep you young, on your toes and rolling on the floor from laughter. Though most of my nieces and nephews are no longer babies, infants, toddlers, I still greatly enjoy them and love to see the look on their faces when I say something they are not expecting from their 37 year old aunt, as well as enjoy seeing how each of them is becoming their own being. There are definitely a few surprises in how they are growing up. I hope never to lose connection with any of them and always be there for them in some way that will be encouraging and/or supportive. They truly are the love of my life aside from my husband. I always look forward to my time with them. That's why I sit at the kids table with them. Adults are boring and kids, well they are just kids, in all their wonderful, wacky and nonsensical ways.
So, with each new child born into my life via my own siblings or my friends, I will always love, adore and enjoy their beautiful presence in my life. God has blessed me with the love of kids. That's why I'm still a kid. Woohoo!!!
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
The words of Maya Angelou
I have come to greatly love this poem since it first was published in 1993. One cannot help but to listen to Maya when she has spoken one of her poems, particularly this one. Her diction is beautiful, her voice evoking, and her dream for humanity prevalent and worthy.
On the Pulse of Morning•
(also referred to as The Rock Cries Out To Us Today)•
A Rock, A River, A Tree•
Hosts to species long since departed,•
Mark the mastodon.•
The dinosaur, who left dry tokens•
Of their sojourn here•
On our planet floor,•
Any broad alarm of their of their hastening doom•
Is lost in the gloom of dust and ages.•
But today, the Rock cries out to us, clearly, forcefully,•
Come, you may stand upon my•
Back and face your distant destiny,•
But seek no haven in my shadow.•
I will give you no hiding place down here.•
You, created only a little lower than•
The angels, have crouched too long in•
The bruising darkness,•
Have lain too long•
Face down in ignorance.•
Your mouths spelling words•
Armed for slaughter.•
The rock cries out today, you may stand on me,•
But do not hide your face.•
Across the wall of the world,•
A river sings a beautiful song,•
Come rest here by my side.•
Each of you a bordered country,•
Delicate and strangely made proud,•
Yet thrusting perpetually under siege.•
Your armed struggles for profit•
Have left collars of waste upon•
My shore, currents of debris upon my breast.•
Yet, today I call you to my riverside,•
If you will study war no more.•
Come, clad in peace and I will sing the songs•
The Creator gave to me when I•
And the tree and stone were one.•
Before cynicism was a bloody sear across your brow•
And when you yet knew you still knew nothing.•
The river sings and sings on.•
There is a true yearning to respond to•
The singing river and the wise rock.•
So say the Asian, the Hispanic, the Jew,•
The African and Native American, the Sioux,•
The Catholic, the Muslim, the French, the Greek,•
The Irish, the Rabbi, the Priest, the Sheikh,•
The Gay, the Straight, the Preacher,•
The privileged, the homeless, the teacher.•
They hear. They all hear•
The speaking of the tree.•
Today, the first and last of every tree•
Speaks to humankind. Come to me, here beside the river.•
Plant yourself beside me, here beside the river.•
Each of you, descendant of some passed on•
Traveller, has been paid for.•
You, who gave me my first name,•
You Pawnee, Apache and Seneca,•
You Cherokee Nation, who rested with me,•
Then forced on bloody feet,•
Left me to the employment of other seekers--•
Desperate for gain, starving for gold.•
You, the Turk, the Swede, the German, the Scot...•
You the Ashanti, the Yoruba, the Kru,•
Bought, sold, stolen, arriving on a nightmare•
Praying for a dream.•
Here, root yourselves beside me.•
I am the tree planted by the river,•
Which will not be moved.•
I, the rock, I the river, I the tree•
I am yours--your passages have been paid.•
Lift up your faces, you have a piercing need•
For this bright morning dawning for you.•
History, despite its wrenching pain,•
Cannot be unlived, and if faced with courage,•
Need not be lived again.•
Lift up your eyes upon•
The day breaking for you.•
Give birth again•
To the dream.•
Women, children, men,•
Take it into the palms of your hands.•
Mold it into the shape of your most•
Private need. Sculpt it into•
The image of your most public self.•
Lift up your hearts.•
Each new hour holds new chances•
For new beginnings.•
Do not be wedded forever•
To fear, yoked eternally•
To brutishness.•
The horizon leans forward,•
Offering you space to place new steps of change.•
Here, on the pulse of this fine day•
You may have the courage•
To look up and out upon me,•
The rock, the river, the tree, your country.•
No less to Midas than the mendicant.•
No less to you now than the mastodon then.•
Here on the pulse of this new day•
You may have the grace to look up and out•
And into your sister's eyes,•
Into your brother's face, your country•
And say simply•
Very simply•
With hope•
Good morning.•
by Maya Angelou
On the Pulse of Morning•
(also referred to as The Rock Cries Out To Us Today)•
A Rock, A River, A Tree•
Hosts to species long since departed,•
Mark the mastodon.•
The dinosaur, who left dry tokens•
Of their sojourn here•
On our planet floor,•
Any broad alarm of their of their hastening doom•
Is lost in the gloom of dust and ages.•
But today, the Rock cries out to us, clearly, forcefully,•
Come, you may stand upon my•
Back and face your distant destiny,•
But seek no haven in my shadow.•
I will give you no hiding place down here.•
You, created only a little lower than•
The angels, have crouched too long in•
The bruising darkness,•
Have lain too long•
Face down in ignorance.•
Your mouths spelling words•
Armed for slaughter.•
The rock cries out today, you may stand on me,•
But do not hide your face.•
Across the wall of the world,•
A river sings a beautiful song,•
Come rest here by my side.•
Each of you a bordered country,•
Delicate and strangely made proud,•
Yet thrusting perpetually under siege.•
Your armed struggles for profit•
Have left collars of waste upon•
My shore, currents of debris upon my breast.•
Yet, today I call you to my riverside,•
If you will study war no more.•
Come, clad in peace and I will sing the songs•
The Creator gave to me when I•
And the tree and stone were one.•
Before cynicism was a bloody sear across your brow•
And when you yet knew you still knew nothing.•
The river sings and sings on.•
There is a true yearning to respond to•
The singing river and the wise rock.•
So say the Asian, the Hispanic, the Jew,•
The African and Native American, the Sioux,•
The Catholic, the Muslim, the French, the Greek,•
The Irish, the Rabbi, the Priest, the Sheikh,•
The Gay, the Straight, the Preacher,•
The privileged, the homeless, the teacher.•
They hear. They all hear•
The speaking of the tree.•
Today, the first and last of every tree•
Speaks to humankind. Come to me, here beside the river.•
Plant yourself beside me, here beside the river.•
Each of you, descendant of some passed on•
Traveller, has been paid for.•
You, who gave me my first name,•
You Pawnee, Apache and Seneca,•
You Cherokee Nation, who rested with me,•
Then forced on bloody feet,•
Left me to the employment of other seekers--•
Desperate for gain, starving for gold.•
You, the Turk, the Swede, the German, the Scot...•
You the Ashanti, the Yoruba, the Kru,•
Bought, sold, stolen, arriving on a nightmare•
Praying for a dream.•
Here, root yourselves beside me.•
I am the tree planted by the river,•
Which will not be moved.•
I, the rock, I the river, I the tree•
I am yours--your passages have been paid.•
Lift up your faces, you have a piercing need•
For this bright morning dawning for you.•
History, despite its wrenching pain,•
Cannot be unlived, and if faced with courage,•
Need not be lived again.•
Lift up your eyes upon•
The day breaking for you.•
Give birth again•
To the dream.•
Women, children, men,•
Take it into the palms of your hands.•
Mold it into the shape of your most•
Private need. Sculpt it into•
The image of your most public self.•
Lift up your hearts.•
Each new hour holds new chances•
For new beginnings.•
Do not be wedded forever•
To fear, yoked eternally•
To brutishness.•
The horizon leans forward,•
Offering you space to place new steps of change.•
Here, on the pulse of this fine day•
You may have the courage•
To look up and out upon me,•
The rock, the river, the tree, your country.•
No less to Midas than the mendicant.•
No less to you now than the mastodon then.•
Here on the pulse of this new day•
You may have the grace to look up and out•
And into your sister's eyes,•
Into your brother's face, your country•
And say simply•
Very simply•
With hope•
Good morning.•
by Maya Angelou
Are we always what we seem to others?
I wonder how many of us really are what we seem by others. I truly wish we could completely and utterly be ourselves, one hundred percent of the time. I know that I have strived to be just myself, but there seems to be those inner voices, those inner debates about ones worth, those heart-wrenching words others have called us by, society's expectations of our gender roles, family and friend's off the cuff remarks or statements, something a teacher wrote on a report card, not feeling supported by your employer, a comment an instructor made about your work, not feeling supported or loved by those in your life, those things we did as kids that keep coming up in conversation, and our own critical thinking of ourselves somehow creep out from within to help us mask the makeup of who we are. All because well...we're human. Duh. I know that there have been many times where I just felt I could not show the weaknesses of who I am. Who wants to. We only want to be thought of as good, decent people. But can we ever truly be? Oh, I would give anything to say that I am exactly the person and exude the nice things that people may say about me. Or the highly spiritual person others may look at me to be. But...may the truth be told and laid out so others can see that I too am just as human as the next person. But I have found that as the years are speeding by, that I no longer need or even desire to hide who I really am. Life is tough enough without having to pretend that we are something we aren't. And may I say there has been great freedom in that admission. So, if you catch me on a bad day, simply say, "thanks for just being you".
I have lied, I have stolen, I have been controlling, I have been a perfectionist, I have expected from others the same as I would have done, I have been a disappointment, I have not kept promises made, I have cut others off in traffick, I have argued with a sales clerk, I have screamed out the window to the person who stole my parking space, I have gossiped, I have failed in many areas, I have wanted what others have, I have rolled my eyes, I have kept an extremely dirty house, I have turned my eyes away from the homeless, I have not been a good doctor's patient, I have desired to not to live, I have given into people out of guilt, I have been rude, I have been drunk once, I have tried marijuana once, I have hidden dirty clothes thrown in a closet before company arrived, I have had a fender bender, I have intentionally hurt someone, I have had to apologize to many, I have denied others of my love, I have denied others of my time, I have denied others of my money, I have denied others of who I really am inside. And at this point in my life, all of 37 years, I have found that I really am not so bad. For I have sought forgiveness, received freedom and gained a greater sense of who I've been, and who I am becoming.
Many have shared very wonderful, warm, endearing and spiritual adjectives to who they think I am. I'm not saying that they may or may not be true, but if only I could maintain not so much the image, but know that I am those things positively stated and more. That when push comes to shove that I am more able to let things roll off my back more often, try not to take things so seriously or so personally, evaluate the words of others before reacting. It's not that there aren't improvements that I can make within myself. We can often fool ourselves in thinking we are being real, we are being what jesus, budha, muhammad, parents, spouses, friends asks of us, and we are holding up to the standard of a very contradictory society, and that we are being who we think others want us to be. No more! It's time to learn to be you, me, ourselves. I know there are some of you who truly are just yourselves, but for those of us who struggle in this area, we need to get over ourselves and move on from here. Simply be you, me, us, with no strings, guilt or self-depracating notions attached. Enjoy this new found freedom.•
"Touched by An Angel"•
We, unaccustomed to courage•
exiles from delight•
live coiled in shells of loneliness•
until love leaves its high holy temple•
and comes into our sight•
to liberate us into life.•
Love arrives•
and in its train come ecstasies•
old memories of pleasure•
ancient histories of pain.•
Yet if we are bold,•
love strikes away the chains of fear•
from our souls.•
We are weaned from our timidity•
In the flush of love's light•
we dare be brave•
And suddenly we see•
that love costs all we are•
and will ever be.•
Yet it is only love•
which sets us free."•
by Maya Angelou
I have lied, I have stolen, I have been controlling, I have been a perfectionist, I have expected from others the same as I would have done, I have been a disappointment, I have not kept promises made, I have cut others off in traffick, I have argued with a sales clerk, I have screamed out the window to the person who stole my parking space, I have gossiped, I have failed in many areas, I have wanted what others have, I have rolled my eyes, I have kept an extremely dirty house, I have turned my eyes away from the homeless, I have not been a good doctor's patient, I have desired to not to live, I have given into people out of guilt, I have been rude, I have been drunk once, I have tried marijuana once, I have hidden dirty clothes thrown in a closet before company arrived, I have had a fender bender, I have intentionally hurt someone, I have had to apologize to many, I have denied others of my love, I have denied others of my time, I have denied others of my money, I have denied others of who I really am inside. And at this point in my life, all of 37 years, I have found that I really am not so bad. For I have sought forgiveness, received freedom and gained a greater sense of who I've been, and who I am becoming.
Many have shared very wonderful, warm, endearing and spiritual adjectives to who they think I am. I'm not saying that they may or may not be true, but if only I could maintain not so much the image, but know that I am those things positively stated and more. That when push comes to shove that I am more able to let things roll off my back more often, try not to take things so seriously or so personally, evaluate the words of others before reacting. It's not that there aren't improvements that I can make within myself. We can often fool ourselves in thinking we are being real, we are being what jesus, budha, muhammad, parents, spouses, friends asks of us, and we are holding up to the standard of a very contradictory society, and that we are being who we think others want us to be. No more! It's time to learn to be you, me, ourselves. I know there are some of you who truly are just yourselves, but for those of us who struggle in this area, we need to get over ourselves and move on from here. Simply be you, me, us, with no strings, guilt or self-depracating notions attached. Enjoy this new found freedom.•
"Touched by An Angel"•
We, unaccustomed to courage•
exiles from delight•
live coiled in shells of loneliness•
until love leaves its high holy temple•
and comes into our sight•
to liberate us into life.•
Love arrives•
and in its train come ecstasies•
old memories of pleasure•
ancient histories of pain.•
Yet if we are bold,•
love strikes away the chains of fear•
from our souls.•
We are weaned from our timidity•
In the flush of love's light•
we dare be brave•
And suddenly we see•
that love costs all we are•
and will ever be.•
Yet it is only love•
which sets us free."•
by Maya Angelou
The Trinity: photo by michael
Posted by: kimthanh
This was a very interesting find, in an old, original Austrian farmhouse. This was hanging in the wall of the home in its original frame and position. This painting of the Trinity is thought to be what the real Trinity appears. This painting dates from 1860. It's condition appeared to be in mint condition.
If you have seen such a painting or image as such, please let us know. It would be interesting to know.
The talking wind: poetry by kim
Speak to me of my life•
Make it so I can understand•
Whisper the love that has embraced me•
Whisper the kindness of this one's sweetness•
Speak to me of my life•
Make it plain for me to see•
Show me visually where I have done wrong•
Show me visually how I may make it right•
Speak to me of my life•
Make it so that I can hear•
Sing to me the grace that I may grasp•
Sing to me the grace that I need and must extend•
Speak to me of my life•
Make it difficult or make it easy•
Speak to me of my life•
Make it so that I will always show love in the most possible ways•
Speak to me of my life•
Make me embrace the one that I am and grow in understanding to the one I will become•
Oh, you the spirit that takes shape as the wind•
Blow through this complicated being and cleanse me within•
Oh, you the spirit that takes shape as the wind•
Come sweep your loving and feather-soft hands across my furrowed brow•
Soften the wrinkles that show of my concerns in life•
Come swish your gentle body through this fragment of a figure so that it may be ready•
Ready to take in the love of others, the pain of others, tears of children, the loss of memory of old age, the broken hearted, the homeless wanderer, the rapist, the victim, the abandoned, the one in the darkness of their soul•
Blow through me so that I am no longer entrapped by my selfishness •
Blow me out so that I too may become like the spirit who takes shape as the wind •
So that I may bring peace to others, extend grace to others, to endure and love others, to help others in their very moment of need and most of all make time for others at all possible moments•
How quickly life can leave us and sometimes without a moment to say goodbye•
Oh, spirit that takes shape as the wind•
Please speak for me when I am gone so others will know I have loved, I have enjoyed, I have laughed, I have thought of them•
Oh, spirit you are marvelous in all your ways: through the wind, through my dreams, through my words, through my eyes, through my heart and most of all through my life•
Oh, spirit you have given me a wonderful and marvelous life•
I shall cherish it to the end•
Oh, spirit draw near and close to Michael always•
I whisper to him of my love in moments of despair, in moments we shared•
But when my time has come I know he will be in great pain•
Oh, spirit speak to his heart, his mind and comfort him of my love for him, forever more•
Blow your spirit through him of who we were together and what he will become•
I know you make me arise so that others will know that I have lived and loved in and through them•
Shalom,
Kim
Make it so I can understand•
Whisper the love that has embraced me•
Whisper the kindness of this one's sweetness•
Speak to me of my life•
Make it plain for me to see•
Show me visually where I have done wrong•
Show me visually how I may make it right•
Speak to me of my life•
Make it so that I can hear•
Sing to me the grace that I may grasp•
Sing to me the grace that I need and must extend•
Speak to me of my life•
Make it difficult or make it easy•
Speak to me of my life•
Make it so that I will always show love in the most possible ways•
Speak to me of my life•
Make me embrace the one that I am and grow in understanding to the one I will become•
Oh, you the spirit that takes shape as the wind•
Blow through this complicated being and cleanse me within•
Oh, you the spirit that takes shape as the wind•
Come sweep your loving and feather-soft hands across my furrowed brow•
Soften the wrinkles that show of my concerns in life•
Come swish your gentle body through this fragment of a figure so that it may be ready•
Ready to take in the love of others, the pain of others, tears of children, the loss of memory of old age, the broken hearted, the homeless wanderer, the rapist, the victim, the abandoned, the one in the darkness of their soul•
Blow through me so that I am no longer entrapped by my selfishness •
Blow me out so that I too may become like the spirit who takes shape as the wind •
So that I may bring peace to others, extend grace to others, to endure and love others, to help others in their very moment of need and most of all make time for others at all possible moments•
How quickly life can leave us and sometimes without a moment to say goodbye•
Oh, spirit that takes shape as the wind•
Please speak for me when I am gone so others will know I have loved, I have enjoyed, I have laughed, I have thought of them•
Oh, spirit you are marvelous in all your ways: through the wind, through my dreams, through my words, through my eyes, through my heart and most of all through my life•
Oh, spirit you have given me a wonderful and marvelous life•
I shall cherish it to the end•
Oh, spirit draw near and close to Michael always•
I whisper to him of my love in moments of despair, in moments we shared•
But when my time has come I know he will be in great pain•
Oh, spirit speak to his heart, his mind and comfort him of my love for him, forever more•
Blow your spirit through him of who we were together and what he will become•
I know you make me arise so that others will know that I have lived and loved in and through them•
Shalom,
Kim
Seinfeld wannabes: photo by jim
Posted by: kimthanh
Speaking of my travels, this experience and now the photo just gave me great joy as I am a huge fan of Seinfeld, as I'm sure many of you are as well. When I asked our friend Jim if he'd take us to the Seinfeld restaurant, I had no idea we'd be walking a thousand miles of New York pavement to get there. But it sure was worth it!!! As many of you know, this corner is used in the show. They actual location inside of the restaurant was never used. But of course, as Seinfeld fans you would already know this. It was still a kick in the pants to see it despite the August New York humidty.
Somewhat of a world traveler: photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
I have been blessed beyond words in my life. Between having been adopted, having grownup in a large family, having been asked to marry an amazing and talented man, and having been able to travel beyond California.
Thanks to my parents, Michael's family, one of Michael's old employers and finally a an anonymous person, I have been fortunate enough to see a bit of the world. My parents have taken me to Washington, Oregon, Nevada, Hawaii, Austria, Italy, Germany, Switzerland, and finally Paris, France. I was able to travel with Michael to New Jersey (his 20th high school reunion) and then on to New York to visit our close friend and his old college roommate. Then with Michael's family I've been able to experience Virginia and the backwoods towns of Mississippi. Michael's old employer treated me to Vancouver, BC so that I could accompany him while he was on doing a press check there. Then anonymous treated us to a cruise to Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan and Puerta Vallarta. Oh what fun I've had seeing a smidgeon of the world.
I feel extremely fortunate to have visited all of those places, experienced the various cultures, the terrain, the people, the customs, the amazing food, and the sights and sounds. I could never say thank you enough to all of those who have made it happen. And in keeping up with my taste for travel, foods, and cultures, I needed to photograph what I had experienced. The first time I went to Europe with my parents, I think I was too excited that I was going that I didn't think to take many photos. And I'm sure at that time in my life, they probably would not have turned out very well anyway. It's only been in the past five years that I finally have come to where I am now. And that isn't saying a whole lot. I have so much more room to grow and understand when it comes to photography. But for now I have a good foundation.
But fortunately I was able to return to Europe years later and capture somethings that I had seen and not seen in my prior trip. I know I can't take the photos with me when I'm gone, but just having the pure joy and reminder of those experiences is enough to sustain me in the here and now.
This photo is of Venice, Italy for those who may not have had the chance to travel.
I hope one day you are able to do a little or a lot of traveling before you leave this beautiful and rich world.
Shalom,
Kim
Canoe on Lester Beach: photo by michael
Posted by: kimthanh
I love how my husband, Michael and I have such similar taste when it comes to home decor, most movies, art work, and photography. He has a great eye for photographing subjects as well.
This was taken on Lester Beach, at D.L. Bliss State Park, in Tahoe. As you can see it was a perfect mountainous day.
I just love what his eyes captured and the amount of texture, color and lighting. That's my hubby! What a proud wife I am.
Lil Cowboy-Ponderosa Ranch
Posted by: kimthanh
I always try and ask permission from parents before taking a photo of a child because I want to honor their protective and parental right. But this lil cowboy's parents were too busy with their other kids to ask them. Digital cameras unfortunately have a delay before the clicking of the photo. So I had missed a few great shots of this cutie. But then I found my opportunity, once again, as he was so intent on picking up those rocks, that I was able to take this great shot with him in the foreground, the horses and the old-time firetruck in the background.
Kids are so amazing and beautifully innocent. Why do we have to grow up and become aware of our surroundings and ourselves? Staying innocent would certainly seem to make our lives a little freer.
Innocence is a virtue that only children are able to remind us of where we've strayed.
Monday, March 28, 2005
A face of homelessness: photo by kim
Posted by: kimthanh
I just love this photo. It speaks volumes. The sign itself speaks volumes. This was one evening that I will always remember. My friend Michelle is standing with Terrell in the photo. He had proposed to her while we stood talking to him for a half hour or so. I really love Terrell and enjoyed talking with him. We found out a great deal about him in that little amount of time. Though he was tipsy he was able to carry on quite the conversation with us.
I have not forgotten his name, his story nor his face. He has been inbedded in my heart forever. I think of him quite often in fact. I hope some day that I will be able to see him again. Where ever we may end up. I would like to find out what happened to him. He had dreams, he had a life, a girlfriend, a child, a job until he found himself with nothing one day. Now he drinks, dreams his dreams, hopes to marry someday and find the person he used to be.
His story may have been what stopped me the other night hanging out in downtown Chico, with some friends. I spotted this gal, Lisa, at the corner of 2nd and Broadway. You couldn't miss her. I walked passed her and then without a second thought returned to talk with her and find out her name, her situation and if I could do anything. She is pregnant with twins, she has two other children living with her gramma, until she can get back on her feet. She said she hasn't seen the doctor, so I'm not sure how she knows she has twins or whether she meant that she has not been to the doctor since finding out the pregnancy.
I was reminded of Terrell as I spoke with Lisa. She is beautiful. She told me where she hangs out and I told her I would be looking for her to check on how she was doing. She liked that.
She said she didn't need anything and that she was happy I stopped by. Someone had already brought her some pizza.
Please pray for Lisa and Terrell's situations.
Shalom,
Kim
Sunday, March 27, 2005
What does easter mean to you?
Unless We Too Have Risen : C. F. Blumhardt "So many people claim to believe in the Resurrection, and yet it means so little to them. It has no effect in their lives. It is not enough to celebrate Easter and say, that Christ is risen! Indeed, it is useless to proclaim it at all, unless at the same time we can say that we too have risen. The long passage of time has brought with it a temptation to keep on speaking about Good Friday without being moved by it. We hear about Christ's death, and we sit there bored, as if we were reading a newspaper. In fact, we would find a newspaper a good deal more interesting."
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