Missing Out : photo by andy van den eynde

Posted by: kimthanh

As I was sitting in our arm chair, I was enjoying the scene playing before me. Michael was helping our 12 yr old cousin, Alea, with her homework in math.

First off, Michael enjoys math and all of its abstract notions. I detest it with a vengeance. Secondly, I was enjoying the way the two were interacting wtih one another and the way Alea was comfortable snuggled up next to him, while he explained in the simplest terms of the particular math problems. Thirdly, Michael has such patience and a way of explaining things in more than one way no matter the subject matter. And lastly, to see him so naturally and calmly helping Alea, explaining away, and patiently waiting until she seemed to be getting it just brought to mind a twinge of pain to me, while at the same time enjoying what I was observing.

The remembered pain was the knowledge that we have yet to have children of any age, in any form. It's painful as I know how wonderful a father, a dad, a parent and a member of the married team Michael would be in raising, caring for and teaching what children we hoped to have had. It just kills me to see the emptiness within each of us in this area. It was difficult for me because I haven't had this pain come up in quite awhile until just the other day.

It hurt, it was a reminder, causes me to wonder if we ever will be given a child of our own, at this point, whether through the fostering system or through adoption. I wasn't as angry about it as I have been in the past, and that's growth for me. But the pain is still not far below the surface and becomes easily raw.

I pray and hope for a child(ren) for us, but also know that we are on a path toward new adventures due to our passions, and in what god is calling us to be doing, with our lives, at this time. For this we will continue to follow through and find joy and peace through it all, but I don't know if we will ever get beyond the desires nor the immense passion to have one of our very own.

I just feel like we've been missing out on the joys of parenthood and the parenthood circle that one automatically becomes a member of, by the presence of a child, in ones household. It really SUCKS!!!

All I know so far is that it could still be a possibility in our life time to have this amazing experience. But I do wonder if it will ever really be granted to us. I continue to pray about this out of a sense of selfishness so that my desire will be continuously heard, assuming god doesn't already know of this desire in us. BUT it seems it can't hurt to keep voicing it no matter.

I continue to believe that part of our passions for our adventures also contains the work of helping, meeting with, holding, caring for and lovingly embracing children in what ever way we can that will somehow help fulfill that voided area. And to believe with that it will be enough for now.

But I don't know that we will ever not get over the feeling of missing out on the privileged experience of having ones own child.

Aching heart your fears are valid
Aching couple your desires have been heard

Do as you are asked to do and I will grant you with my ultimate joy and peace
It may not look like what you had in mind, but bear with me as I continue to work in you both

Your hearts will be enflamed with children from many worlds, many places and backgrounds
Your hearts will take hold of such faces, such conditions that will feel like they are your own

These children are your own, in a way that you will forever change the path of their lives
These children are your own, in a way that will fulfill you like no other

Continue to wait for me
Continue to follow me
Continue to have faith in me
Continue on the path I have called you to and you will be given your hearts' desires

Know it's my timing, not yours
Know I relish you both in ways that make me proud
Know that I have plans for you and the ones that you love, whether they are yours or anothers'

I'm listening
I'm here
I'm all that you need

Simple Beauty: photo by kim

Posted by: kimthanh

This photo was taken off of Hwy 70 toward Quincey on one of Don, Michael's and my adventures in driving and photo shoots.

I love the simplicity and how imperfect this photo is to anyone viewing it.

I could have waited more patiently until the moth completely spread its wings and rested on the rock, but it seemed too silly to me to wait, when I realized how fast life passes us by. Meaning, to wait and get the perfect position for the picture is like waiting for the right time for various things in life, when even a mere split second can have as much beauty, meaning and memories as waiting for just the right timing.

Simply enjoying one second to the next can add up to a hell of a lot of amazing treasures and stories to tell to one another and in the future.

Simple beauty is truly something to relish in this chaotic and dysfunctional world.

This picture is not worth a thousand words...photo by kim

Posted by: kimthanh

It is simply one word - FRIENDSHIP - in the best possible sense.

We Love You, Don!

The Three Peas In A Pod...self portrait

Posted by: kimthanh

Our vapors have surfaced among one another though the deepest emotions still remain unspoken.

The years have been kind to each of us as laughter, always food, fun, techie talk and ages have consumed our time and our hearts together.

Ritual, spontaneity, celebrations, families, and history and god have brought us not by chance but many reasons, too many to tell.

We danced, we've traveled, we've had adventures and misadventures, many a late night dinners, many hours talking together, many years together and apart.

We just came back together over five years ago and now we are parting once again.

Parting is such sweet sorrow when I think of the kind of brother, and amazing friend that we, Michael and I have been blessed with, in our friendship with Donny, Donald, and just plain Don.

The sorrow is forever deep, but the love and comfort of our endearing love for one another remains infinite.

We have new adventures, new misadventures and new things to explore and experience together as the years continue to be kind to us.

Our brother, Don, whom we so love and will surely miss our regular dinners together and our hanging out time.

But all is not lost nor forgotten when our friendship is as deep as it is.

We love you, Don!!!!

Thank you for loving us the way you always have.

Tampon run to seeing you live through one of the hardests and most difficult phases of your life-your illness.

Nothing will separate the three of us peas in a pod!!!

With the Greatest of Love to you- our brother, our friend!

Kim and Michael

A Good Winker: photo by kim

Posted by: kimthanh

Big D was showing me how good a winker he was and wanted me to take a photo of it.

It's been so much fun to see Big D growing up and showing me and the rest of our family all of his little and big antics, his amazing talents, his sweetness and his sharp little mind.

But now if only we could get him to actually sleep come naptime like Little D, his brother.

But I think he's always got too much going on in his mind to settle in for sleep time. I think he'd rather be talking incessantly, asking his curious questions and giving his advice in the little life he has lived so far.

I so love ALL of my nieces and nephews. They certainly make my world a lot whole more interesting and wonderful!

Love This Photo: self portrait

Posted by: kimthanh

This picture was taken just before Michael and I were to head back home to Chico and the 8 hr drive.

I love these kinds of pictures, impromptru and just plain fun.

We always have fun with Dustin and Cara whenever we get together. They are just interesting, caring, funny and creative folks we call close friends.

So, to capture a moment in time is a splendid thing in life.

Portland or bust!

The One and Only Voodoo Donuts: photo by kim

Posted by: kimthanh

When Michael and I went to Portland for the first time, we had been told about The infamous Voodoo Donuts. We had been told in detail about all of their varied topped and shaped donuts. Sounded like somewhere I needed to see for myself. But that trip didn't allow for a visit there.

But this second trip, we did make it! Not that we really were hungry for one, after the amazing Orange Tofu dinner we had at John and Katies, just hours before. But since it was a place to at least experience, those new to Portland, we decided to venture on downtown and enjoy ourselves a bit of Portland history.

The picture says it all that we enjoyed ourselves. They even had vegan donuts. Go figure...

I won't take the fun out of experiencing the Voodoo Donuts, so I will just end here.

But when in Portland, take a visit to the Voodoo Donuts, and go at night. It just seems to add to the overall experience, as well as the lines that will be out the door and down the block.

Scattered Brain

Do you ever feel like you live in another world, outside of your own head?

Getting older is causing me to be a slower thinker, forgetful, difficult remembering little and big things and details of stories, and realizing it will only get worse from here on out.

I'm not bitter, I'm just saying... :-)

Michael and I have had some great laughs of late, as we have both tried to recount a situation we were both in and realized we had no idea where, when or with whom. It was pretty hilarious. We decided the older we get the better off we will be because neither of us will remember the same detail of the story nor will even be talking about the same story when mentioned to others. Meaning he may be talking about chicken which he ate with our friend, Don and I will be thinking about chicken that we had in New York. So, we determined we will not be like many older couples, or even young couples, who interject or argue about the details of the story being told. We will just be so agreeable and but with a different story in each of our minds.

Getting older with Michael will be fun for sure!

We have both been scattered brain as of late due to much going on in our lives and thinking of our future.

It's enough to make one almost lose ones' mind, really.

I kind of feel like the kid of Johnny Depps' Willie Wonka when he would say, "MUMBLER! I can't understand a word you're staying, heh!"

No one will be able to understand me as I get older... Oh my!

Testing to See if this works...video by kim

So, on our second trip to Portland, Oregon we had a blast as usual.
I forget to use the videoing on our digital camera but couldn't miss Hans having a good time with Dusty.

So here it goes...hope it works

Powered by Castpost

Continued Education

I just woke up, fed our cat, opened up the house so it could hopefully stay just a little cooler, as the day gets progressively hotter. And while going to the bathroom, my mind is whirling and twirling with with thoughts galore. So what is it my minding is trying to work out this morning? Well, it's not quite as simple as that to be truthful, but I will give you jut one isolated thought.

Since my "job" these days per my Michael is to get well, meaning take my meds, take all the naps I need, rest up, don't exert mysell too much, do my physical therapy exercises, etc. It has left me with an ideal amount of time to do one thing that I love, reading. So the selfish person that I am is taking full advantage of this time to read up all that I can. And there is no guilt involved, well maybe some but I have been told to not worry about it, so I try not to worry about it and read on.

I love how there are different kinds of book lovers, as there should be. The way I was created speaks to the desire for reality in things, life, people, adventures. This is not to say that I don't enjoy fiction books. I've read mostly the 'classics' as I know they are safe readings. I am not a Sci Fi, Romance, Midevil Fantasy kind of reader. Although I'm sure I have missed out on some great books, but I'd rather waste my time with others. When it comes to fiction I have such a hard time reading it because I want what I am reading to be true, an actual event or person, time or situation to have actually happened in this life time. And then as I'm reading, I begin to wonder if it has happened or if the people are real, etc and then I just freak myself out and not enjoy the rest of the book. I'm weird, I know.

The other aspect of reading non-fiction, biographies, autobiographies, memoirs, and period pieces is that I love how I am always learning something new about our world. There is so much history that I have learned through reading these books, that I never learned or was taught in school. This just excites me to no end! Let me insert here before I get a berauge of comments from fiction readers. I have read numerous fiction that were based on a historical event or time period and yes, I did learn a little something there. But to me reading the rest of the story as something that some one imagined, with a historical background, just doesn't work for me. But I'm glad it works for many, many people. As there are quite a lot of writers able to make a living doing this. Good for them!

But as for me, I feel as though I am continuing my education as I read one book, finish and pick up another. The lives I read about, the historical events that have taken place since the begining of time, the ability to see myself in the people I read about, and how it relates so closely to some of my experiences, my emotions. And then to be taken to places, on adventures, and into the very lives of people throughout this world, I am able to travel, to experience and to figuratively live out what others have already experienced. This just fascinates me to no end. I've figuratively experienced Iran, Tehran, India, Haiti, Russia, China, Vietnam, Thailand, Cuba, USA, Pakistan, Africa. And there is still so much more to learn out there. So I am definitely taking full advantage of this down time so that I can continue to learn something new everyday through reading. And I do.

I am so thankful for the freedom to read, be educated, to experience what others have in their lives, to freely enter our local library and partake of it's generosity of wall to wall books, magazines, movies, and more.

I am so very thankful to be a woman AND have the freedom to be educated period.

Through my readings, I have continued to appreciate what my life was, what my life is, what it continues to be, and what it will be in the future. I have continued to gain and appreciate my freedom in all things.

I do not and cannot take for granted my freedom to have the time to get well, to not have to work at this time, to take my mind and heart to other places and in to others' lives. I do not take for granted that I have been given the freedom to educate myself and others.

I am thrilled that I am a lover of reading.

I hope you too will become one, if you are not one already.

Faithless Heart

I was laying in bed last night thinking about how sometimes our hearts can be unfaithful. Unfaithful to another person, unfaithful to our spouse or significant other, unfaithful to our best intentions, unfaithful in the workplace, unfaithful to what we desire most in life.

These are just simple thoughts with no answers. But I was wondering how we, as affectionate and caring beings, are able to forego those intentions for something that leads to unfaithfulness? I suppose the unfaithfulness allows for a sense of non-commitment, a release from our current or future responsibilities, a quick answer to another's lack of understanding, caring, or acknowledgment to/of us. A faithless heart it seems speaks to the inner core of ourselves where we desire not the reality of our situations or of another.

I was thinking in terms of our state of world affairs. The London bombings were just as unexpected as the 9/11 without as many deaths just yet, but then because it's across the globe, there appears to be no outcry among the American people, as a whole, no letters in the newspaper, no radio stations with folks discussing the outrageousness of this monstrosity, etc.

All of it is spoken through the voices of the authoritative folks who speak in the language that distances one another to the reality of the attacks. It speaks almost in a third person form that allows for no real relation to any one person or folks in America. Except perhaps those who had friends, family that lived in London and were commuting during those hours.

How unfaithful we are as Americans to other's plights, unless it happens directly to us and then we are as outspoken and angry and ready to wage war against the other.

I am not saying every person in America doesn't care but it sure seems awfully quiet since the bombings. The American voice is quiet perhaps because the bombings took place elsewhere or quiet because we are glad it didn't happen o us again? I am pretty confident it is both.

America, the land of plenty, gluttony and power can rise above and out of our own unfaithfulness when it calls for it, from our own people. BUT what about faithfulness toward others. If the bombing had been at preschools or attacked at schools with children, then I believe the American people would be in an outcry over what happened, but because it did not occur to the children, and thank god for that, it is pretty damn quiet.

Our faithfulness is so much guided by what we give attention to. But our faithlessness is even more guided by our very intentions and selfish desires that pain not only themselves, eventually, but everything that comes between or within the circle of the that faithlessness.

How are you being unfaithful?

Shalom,

Kim

These Hands: poetry by kim

These hands have been in motion from the moment I was conceived.

These hands were the cilia that helped me figure out my world as a small child.

These hands, though asian are no different than my white sisters, my black brothers, my indian friends.

The phalanges that extend from the wrists of this being have learned to color with crayons, write with a pencil, do cursive in permanent ink.

They have held my body in midair as I learned to do cartwheels.

They have gracefully interpreted the emotions of a classical ballet piece.

They have gripped a tennis racquet, with sweat in between the leather and my epidermis, while running around on a court in hundred degree weather.

These hands have had my fingers jammed from 'setting' the volley ball for my fellow players.

These hands have created many a artistic projects for my family and friends on special and non-special occasions.

These long, somewhat slender fingers have dreamed of being a concert pianist while playing the ever challenging musical piece 'chop sticks'.

My hands have held the very hands of my husband from day one to the present, every day.

My hands are the tools in which I have learned many skills that employed me, have given me joy, have gotten me in trouble, have covered my mouth in a frozen surprise, have waved hello and goodbye to many loved ones through the years.

These hands with many miles on them are still young in years, and yet with so much life in them still, that I need not be surprised by what they will do for me next.

These hands have so desired, along with my heart, to embrace a lost child, an orphaned child, a sickly child, my own child,

So as the years have come and gone, these hands, my hands have allowed me to comfort the hurting, celebrate with a loved one, hugged a homeless person, clapped at a child's accomplishment or silliness, caressed the face of a newborn baby, and spoken another language through signing.

These hands, my hands have given little, have taken much and seek more ways to be used in the life of others.

These hands that have been so carefully and wonderfully made perfect, as well asfunctional, await for the abundance of new work, more sorrow, always ready to get dirty, waiting for a future of continued purpose.

Thank you, god, for these hands...

Book: Mountains Beyond Mountains - by tracy kidder

The life and work of Paul Farmer. Between the pages I am currently reading, I am thoroughly enjoying each word, each paragraph. I want so much not to finish the book because I don't want this hero's story to end.

When I look back on the last few years and see the progression in which god has been taking me through the spiritual, the physical, the emotional, the relational and finally the passion-filled ride of my life, I am filled with a sense of gratitude. This is not to say that I have any one thing down firmly, but that in the search for my life's work, my life's purpose I have been able to see the slow development of where I may be heading. I have some grandiose ideas for sure, but if I am patient enough I will know in greater detail of what I will be soon working toward for the future.

I have been smart enough to have kept my eyes open and my heart ready for anything, in case something should spectacularly great happen for me. So far nothing on that level, but I have seen all the pieces beginning to make sense and begin processing the images of what are some of my passions.

• Compassion and empathy for the underdog.
• Compassion and sadness, empathy and a great desire to work on the plight of our children, our future.
• Anger, hate and madness over poverty, war, homelessness, disease, and women's issues.
• Sadness, frustration, anger of the working conditions, the pay and the treatment of migrant workers across the world.
• A sickened heart that slavery has never truly been abolished. It's quite rampant worldwide-but it's overlooked by all the other ills of society.

When reading such a book as Mountains Beyond Mountains, one realizes the power that we each have within to do something, as long as we have enough guts, timidity, anger, and courage to try to make changes as we encounter them.
I have for years felt a sense of that power, but now more than ever, I am beginning to develop the courage and the guts to be the change that I want to see.

I realize that I can never be like Paul Farmer in that I can just make things happen from the get-go, but now understand that I don't HAVE to be the one that is the creative force behind my social endeavors, but that I can partner with others that have the same passion and are implementing these things already. And as for myself it may simply be a matter of finding a way to use my gifts that may best fit the work of the affiliate(s).

I have always held myself in very high esteem in terms of expecting great things from myself, from being the creative, to pulling it off to receiving the glorification of my sweat equity. Basically it had to be all or nothing otherwise I wasn't going to get involved in any way. I had always felt that I could die knowing that I didn't need to lean on anyone else to accomplish what I desired. But somewhere down the road, with little to show for having such high self expectations, I realized that I can't throw the baby out with the bath-water, just because I wasn't the one to draw the bath. I believe this is a mark of maturity, of self-realization of my powerlessness, my need to no longer be in control and to not get due credit where credit is due.

I only wish I had accepted all of this much sooner in life, but then perhaps it has needed my taking this long to finally 'get it'.

I still desire to be some one great but only in the idea that I am able to help one, two, three or more children in some form that is outside of myself. Perhaps great in the sense of knowing I was being used fully for who I was created to be in this life.

I still will never be a Paul Farmer, but I certainly can piggyback on his immense desire for change in the lives of the poor, the children, the women, the sick and the dying.

Thanks, Paul Farmer, for your inspiration and for your true example of what humanitarian work really looks like. I will forever be grateful for your legacy and simply your living by example.

The Glory of A Returned Journey : poetry by kim

The hills beyond the grassland whispers of things to come, to see and enjoy.

Walking knee deep in the golden thresh, of the sway, of the grass brings to mind the journey one must take to reach the next moment of exhilaration.

The air is stale making the lungs work greater for deeper breaths.

The humidity of the day does not let on that it will reprieve itself from the cloudy sky.

Reaching deep within the confines of this biological, skeletal being, the muscles work to move every joint, every member in a rhythmic cadence.

The quiet crushing of grass underfoot is a reminder that it's an intruder wandering this land of ancestors.

The surroundings are lush and green.

There are vast pockets of water that seem almost frozen with movement.

The air is foreign to this being, this intruder, who continues on its way to the next new moment.

There seems to be a noisy quietness that overwhelms the grassland, as it supports the hills from below.

The grassland teems with a great amount of life, wild, free, and unpretentious to its friends the hills.

The hills themselves seem to speak of a more quiet air that even dare say seems more sacred, more holy.

As each footing moves forward in direction, the ears are open, the heart is beating quickly, the mind works to recall perhaps a hint of familiarity, and the eyes are simply overwhelmed.

The aroma of this land is pungent, foreign, repulsive, yet welcoming to this intruder.

Just beyond the grassland and these hills bounds a more rambunctious bit of life beyond the horizon of this land.

The whizzing of motor bikes, the smells of fresh dishes, the chatter of a people selling their goods, street-side.

The noise is most overwhelming and constant but speaks of the goings on of a people in perpetual motion.

There are delicacies to be had, fresh from a boiling pot, there are trinkets made by hand, and drinks to be shared with another.

The sites and sounds only begin to subside as the day slowly draws to dusk, but the remnants of the days activities are still fresh in one's mind.

You'd think with all the noise of the township, that it would clearly echo its voice loudly and clearly to the quiet of the grasslands and hills, but neither knows of the other except by way of the traveling beings from one place to the other. Only to speak of such things when the other is not near.

This intruder prefers the quiet of the farmland, while its adventurous side looks forward to another day in the land of the masses. But only to return to the grassy lands where the vast pools of water, that mirror the hills from beyond, as though they were within reach.

This journey has only just begun and whether this has all been in one's head or whether it's footing has actually touched the quiet grassland, there could never be another journey quite like this - of one returning to one's motherland.

To Compassionately Listen to One Another....

The tower of babble was created because of our lack of listening to one another and our not get along with each other. Hence the many languages we now have so that we would have to truly work at getting along. Which in the end meant taking the time to listen compassionately to one another.

Somewhere deep down we truly are all the same. We are simply looking for the same things in life, the meaning of life, the explanation of illnesses, the meaning of our place in society, the baggage we all carry from our families, from our relationships, why some of us are gay and not others, why we have so many choices in life to choose from, why whole wheat bread today and sourdough tomorrow, why eat meat only but no carbs, and then to eat carbs only and no meat, to which brand of toothpaste do I buy? ETC!

These things, simply stated by my simple way of thinking, is that we are to truly be looking out for and loving others before ourselves. In this "ME" society, it is all about the language. It is whether others are willing to communicate with me in the way that I feel good about, or encourages me or makes me look good or making me feel understood. BUT on the other hand, we really are suppose to be firmly looking out for others - for their needs, their comfort, their ability to be and feel understood.

We have so missed the point of living in this world. We are a bunch of selfish, cry babies, who when not getting one's way will cry out with outrage, words of unfairness, words of inequality, words of racism, words of MY rights, words of OUR freedom, words of your trees on MY property, ETC!

No wonder there are so many choices. I think god had a great sense of humor by creating choices. God wanted to just to see where we would end up on the selfish meter. MOST OF US FAILED! Myself included. Man, that's harsh but when we begin to look at the lives and situations of others, we can often return to our own lives and see the same mistakes, the same longings, the same questions that all of us have and in helping others, often times we are able to work out our own situations. If nothing else, simply having compassion for another should be enough.

We were meant to be living in community - TOGETHER - as one people regardless of color, gender, race, sexual orientation, and religious or political views.

Our division is simply by our own hand, our own bigotry, our own choice not to accept others for who and what they are.

We need to continue to learn how to listen, without self-inclusion, to one another for the sake of our kids, our country, our world.

War is not the answer. In the end there really is NO WINNER when it comes to the game of Life. It simply is whether we are willing to listen, love and or accept one another to the best that we can and being mindful of what life would be like if everyone were compassionately listening to one another.

Take the time NOW to get to know your neighbors, your coworkers, your extended family members, those who work in public jobs, etc. BEGIN NOW to think of OTHERS before yourself. What can you do for someone else? Then look to yourself and continue to work on those things you need to take care of.

Begin NOW listening to one another... We have a vast, global area in which to work on these things - from sea to shining sea.

"Be the change that you want to see" - Gandhi

Shalom,
Kim

Kim's Library...

NOTE: Most books can be found on Amazon
{except title with (*)}

CURENTLY READING:
Gandhi: An Autobiograpy: Gandhi
Jason Bourne Newest in series
As Nature Made Him - John Colapinto
A Fine Balance: Rohinton Mistry
Living Buddha, Living Christ: Thich Nhat Hanh
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress: Dai Sijie
Colors of the Mountain: Da Chen
Wasted: Marya Hornbacher
Video: The Oregon Trail - to be watched


JUST RECENTLY FINISHED:
A Journey Through Mississippi - Tony Dunbar
Orphans of War - Rosemary Taylor*
Children of AIDS - Emma Guest
Black Death: AIDS in Africa - Susan Hunter
Mountains Beyond Mountains - Tracy Kidder
Snow in August - Peter Hamill
47th St. Black - Bayo Ojikutu
Acquainted with the Night - Paul Raeburn
To Africa with Spatula - Jane Lotter


LISTING OF BOOKS I DESIRE TO READ:
Lucky Child - Loung Ung
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl - Harriet Jacobs
My Bondage and My Freedom - Frederick Douglass
Coming of Age in Mississippi - Anne Moody
Geisha, A Life - Mineko Iwasaki
Island of Hope, Island of Tears - Brownstone, Franck & Brownstone
The Passing of the Night - General Robinson Risner
Waiting for Snow in Havana - Carlos Eire
The Sacred Willow - Duong Van Mai Elliot
Wanderings - Chaim Potok
Alicia: My Story - Alicia Appleman-Jurman
Let Us Now Praise Famous Men - Agee and Evans
Country of My Skull - Antjie Krog
Wild Swans:Lost Daughters - Karin Evans
When Heaven and Earth Traded Places - Le Hayslip
Faith and Betrayal - Sally Denton

Quote: dr. martin luther king, jr

"An individual has not started living until she can rise above the narrow confines of her individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.
--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Some Sites to Engage Yourself In:

Do Something - Get Involved!

AIDS/DEBT/AFRICA:
http://bolamoyo.com/
http://www.jubileeusa.org/
http://www.uua.org/uuawo/new/article.php?id=307
http://allafrica.com/malawi/
http://www.friendsofmalawi.org/
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/default.stm
http://www.nationmalawi.com/
http://www.afsc.org/africa/new-africa/default.htm
http://www.forusa.org/
http://www.africadaily.com/
http://www.aidshealth.org/
http://www.malawi.com/
http://www.un.org/
http://www.workingforchange.com/activism/action.cfm?itemid=18360
http://www.womenforwomen.org/DRCpop.html
http://www.womenforwomen.org/ProjectIndependence/index.htm
http://www.mercatus.org/socialchange/subcategory.php/41.html
http://www.alertnet.org/
http://peacecorpsonline.org/messages/messages/467/3375.html
http://www.hivportland.org/resources/infocus.html
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/africa/
http://www.usafricaonline.com/
http://www.farmafrica.org.uk/
http://twnafrica.org/
http://www.africawoman.net/
http://www.friendsofmalawi.org/
http://www.malawiproject.org/
http://lilongwe.usembassy.gov/
http://www.usaid.gov/locations/sub-saharan_africa/countries/malawi/
http://www.careinternational.org.uk/cares_work/where/malawi/
http://web.amnesty.org/web/ar2002.nsf/afr/malawi?Open
http://www.unicef.org/infobycountry/malawi.html
http://www.vso.org.uk/about/cprofiles/malawi.asp
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/ican/C2152
http://www.inequality.org/farmer2.html
http://web.worldbank.org/

ViETNAM/ADOPTION/ADOPTEES:
http://van-online.org/
http://motherlandtour.com/
http://www.wingluke.org/
http://www.operationreunite.com/
http://www.sonyclassics.com/comingsoon.php?filmid=60&page=1
http://www.adoptvietnam.org/adoption/babylift-index.htm
http://www.geocities.com/vnwomensforum/index.html
http://www.acwp.org/
http://www.catalystfoundation.org/When_You_Were_Born_In_Vietnam.htm

SOCIAL ACTION GROUPS/MISC:
http://www.saveaslave.com/
http://www.freetheslaves.net/home.php
http://www.humantrafficking.com/humantrafficking/
http://www.iabolish.com/index.htm
http://www.trafficking.org.ph/
http://www.state.gov/g/tip/
http://www.idealist.org/en/ip/idealist/MyIdealist/Register/default?SID=e1f12fc0be5139054996eb5c49467cf3
http://www.gandhiinstitute.org/
http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/mahatma_ghandi.htm
http://archives.obs-us.com/obs/english/books/Mandela/Mandela.html
http://www.oskarschindler.com/
http://www.shoah.dk/
http://nobelprize.org/
http://www.machers.com/Default.aspx?tabid=42
http://www.barclayagency.com/lamott.html

I Want to be Some One Great...

Who can heal the wounded at every moment of sorrow, to catch them as a safety for when the fall comes and the will to live, to move forward, to take the next step, to get back up, to the deep ache within, to the first drop of tear that has bound them unmoved.

Who can be there at death's door for those who have nobody to say goodbye to them. Nobody to tell them they were loved, wanted, desired, special, someone important, a friend, a sister, brother, daughter, son, grandson, grandfather, grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousin, or someone that some one met for just a brief moment and was struck by their very presence.

Who touches and caresses the faces, the bodies of the lepers of today - AIDS of whole families, AIDS of Africa, AIDS of India, AIDS of the underworld of slavery, AIDS of prostitution, AIDS of all colors, races, ethnic lines, gender lines, AIDS of infants, AIDS of grandparents, AIDS of health workers, AIDS of heterosexuals, AIDS of homosexuals, AIDS from every land, every continent, every nation, every tribe, every person who breathe the deadly disease of AIDS, and will take their last breath leaving some one behind to fend for themselves. I want to pick up and help and encourage those who are left behind. I want to make their lives better, healthier, and prosperous.

Who can take every child who lives in poverty, in abusive homes, in neglected homes, the filth of human waste, in the filth of neglect, in the struggling parents/family members striving to make a decent living at poverty level, in the filth of prostitution, in the filth of slavery, in the filth of a foster system that struggles to place these kids. Oh how I wish no child would ever know what it was like to be hungry, in want, in need, in filth, in an empty home while their parents have to work. Oh to be able to gather every one of these children and hold them, caress them, love on them and know that I have answers to all of their problems, that I would be able to save them from this wretched world we call home and provide the very things they need, in which no amount of money could ever buy.

Who looks beyond the monstrosity of today's world problems and is able to create, to begin a venture in which my life is viable not by my own living, but by working out of those things that anger me, that cause me to hate, to cry a river, to have another replace their lives for mine, to curl up with such a greatness of pain that it seems it will take my own life just by the very thought of other's difficult lives.

Though to be great doesn't mean having all the answers nor being able to solve all the problems, but being an idealist, it is my hope to never stop working toward something greater than myself.

I want to be some one great who does at least one thing that is important in life. In which it will make my life more worthwhile for living and knowing I didn't waste my time here on earth thinking only about myself.

I want to be some one great!

Wealth Overload:

I just recently cleaned out my closet full of clothes galore. And then many months prior I had had yard sale. So the bug to clean up, sweep out, and be rid of clutter that has found its way into our abode, is prevalent once more in my bones.

First off, there is one area I struggle with going to. I find myself being sickened when I walk through a grocery store, with the gazillion brands of the same products, aisle upon aisle, expiration dates soon to be noted, There is just something about all that food, the gross amount of choice we have at our disposal and thinking that the local jesus center should be getting their goods there for free on a weekly basis. But unfortunately, they are dependent on donations by these kinds of businesses. So whenever the business has an overstock of an item(s) or just about outdated product, they give it to the Jesus Center, the Salvation Army and the like. I know, I have worked for the Salvation Army and I know what businesses give and what they do not give. Sure, when Christmas rolls around, they are more generous, but not much more. Salvation Army still has to pay for many of the turkeys that the businesses are 'donating'. Give me a break! I know Salvation Army is thankful for what donations they can get, particularly in a small town where they are having to compete with all of the holiday good will and requests from non-profits, groups, etc.

But by golly, for the Jesus Center or Salvation Army to have to literally beg, albeit nicely, for donations is a crime. They are serving a purpose in feeding those who others would never invite to their home or hand them a few dollar bills or buy them a meal at nice a restaurant. They are contributing to the human condition of making it more tolerable, more purposeful for these folks who find themselves in conditions they probably never imagined being in.

So, to walk the aisles of any grocery store just burns the core of me. I just want to take a U-Haul and drive it into the buildings and take all that a 48 foot truck could hold of goods and necessities.

It's not only the grocery stores, but it's the clothing stores, the mall, the restaurants, the whole damn societal view of getting, and then giving it away after we're done with it. How repulsive this habitual activity really is.

I am guilty of this monstrosity and am working on changing these ways so that the finger isn't being pointed at myself for the soapbox I am shouting from, and yet not doing a damn thing with my words.

The need to live more simply is a great goal, but it is still in the works of being fully realized. Granted it is difficult to part with your good dishes when you have a set of twenty year old Corell that you'd rather give away or sell. I am trying to work on the mindset that if I can't take anything with me when I'm dead, what purpose is all of this material good if only to buy new when the old gets useless for one's taste. But usefulness is one man's gain and another man's junk. I realize this but I no longer desire to live like this any more. Particularly this next stage of my life. I want to truly simplify and enjoy what I do have, and yet not give into the wild and gross consumerism of our society any longer.

I struggle with knowing I have an abundance, perhaps I am deserving of it and perhaps not, but regardless there are those out there who have real needs that can be met if only a greater number of us in every city, township, district, state we're willing to give all we can and have so others don't have to go without.

I need to continue to work in this area of my life. Some times I have found myself walking that fine line between having what I desire versus having things for the sake of having it.

Like I mentioned, I am a hypocrite in this area and still need to work on this particular area. I could use prayer in this area.

Shalom,

Kim