Bicycles...photos by kim

Today is just so beautiful in Chico. Though I would prefer it to be a bit colder and more crisp. But it's not and I needed to enjoy what we have. So I went to One Mile, in Bidwell Park, and took a bunch of photos.

I always have fun just enjoying the smells, the sounds and whatever catches my eyes.

Bicycles seemed to one of the themes while I was out and about. So hope you enjoy!

Just Two More Fall photos...by kim

I really enjoy using our digital camera but there are definite limitations to using one.

I love the 'instant' usage of the photos, though I really miss the handling of an actual photograph. But of course there are trade offs to everything.

Today, I thought I'd have more photos to take on my way to Los Molinos, to Michael's parent's house, but there really wasn't much to shoot, surprisingly. I guess if I had walked to Los Molinos, I may have found tons of things to shoot.

I took a few tree photos but they did not turn out at all. I was apparently moving so they were all blurry. Oh well. So I only got two other shots that did come out. But not as I would have liked them to. Bummer. I'm such a perfectionist that I hate to not have every shot come out fantastic. Woe is me...ho hum.

And More Fall Photos...Same Day As Previous Blog

More Fall Photos...by kim

These were taken the same days as a few blogs back.

No new photos as of yet.

But hopefully in the next few days.

Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Me...?

Aging yet still young

Asian and envied by many of same age

Straight as an arrow was my hair once but now curly as Shirley Temples'

Less firm are the ol' cantaloupes but still ripe as ever

I guess I'm truly getting old

The age of hot flashes have crashed upon my being and lifestyle

Gone are the days of being cozy and bundled up in a turtle neck shirt, a wool sweater, warm sweat pants, and fuzzy warm slippers.

Now it's 'layers' I have to remind myself daily.

A thin cotton shirt beneath a light weight sweatshirt, light weight pants and flip flops. No socks or shoes...too hot.

Uck! I never imagined going through this 'time' in my life at such an early age, 37.

I thought one was still considered young if one hadn't crossed the ol' forty 'finish line', Heh!

But unfortunately in my case it is not true.

I am in Hot Flash City and not enjoying the weather or the views.

I'm TOO YOUNG so I thought but medical science says I'm just right in the prime if one is to go through it before the mid-forties.

Ode to joy for me...

The Holidays Are Upon Us...

Well, the holidays are soon to be upon us and I am trying desperately to figure out what to do with birthday and Christmas gifts for this year.

It's not so much that I don't want to have to go and shop for others for 'things' that they may or may not like, but just the thought that those that I know in my life have plenty. It's as if we don't need another thing, to add to our other things and thus that is the perpetual cycle of the holidays.

I know I don't need a single thing more in my house, on my body or to use in my kitchen. Yet it so easy to get caught up in the merriment of it all and just begin grabbing things off the shelves, praying the person whom you're buying it for will find some use for it, somehow.

And then I get thinking about making creative things for friends and family and realize that there is just not enough wall space for all those things I have made nor find that those things I have made on the walls of those that I have given them to. So, it's seems rather useless to mass produce when little room is available for the adorning of my creative piece or the lack of interest in the piece that took a long time to create.

So, my dilemma is real and I need to get on it before the holidays have passed me by.
I keep having these nightmares, truly, about not having bought all of the gifts for the people in my family, and finding that the day we head up to my parents, is the day that we are doing the presents. Yikes!!! Luckily it is only a dream...whew!

So, to make or not to make that is my dilemma.

I actually like shopping for gifts for people, as I think I am a pretty good gift giver of what others taste are like. But I know there have been some years that it was just grab and go because I hadn't a clue or the gift ideas were out of my giving range.

I'd rather just get together for several meals with friends and families and have a few days of celebration and just being together without all of the gift giving involved.

It sure would make life easier and I think much more enjoyable in the long run.

I have no clue what I'm doing this year...Ho Hum...

Fear of Death....

Last night, I had awoken to use the bathroom and then returned to my warm and cozy bed, next to my hubby.

But as I lay there I thought I kept hearing noises of some sort. I wasn't sure.

You see, I am deaf in one ear and have only a certain percentage hearing in the 'good' ear. So I am not on equal footing when it comes to hearing things creeping in the night.

I tend to sleep on my 'good' ear most of the time, I guess mainly because that side is the most comfortable to sleep on.

But there are times I will intentionally sleep on my bad ear so that I can hear what's going on or what I think is something not good.

What I have determined, last night, is that I am not afraid of death or of dying per se. But because my hearing is not on equal standing, I think I tend to 'hear' things that are not there. I know this to be true because there have been times I've asked my hubby if the phone is ringing or what was that noise in the distance or what was that noise period. Most of the time it was nothing. So of course that is quite annoying but unfortunately the way things are in my hearing world.

I finally determined that my fear in terms of death is really about dying a horrible and savagely beatened death. Usually being an intruder who enters our home while we are asleep. But to die in a car accident or in a plane doesn't disturb me like a death by the hands of an intruder, a killer.

I don't know why this is exactly except to say that if I had better hearing. I guess I would hope to be able to detect the intruder before they had a chance to get to us.

So, unfortunately, there are some nights that it takes me some time to get back to sleep, especially once I think I've heard something.

I prayed and closed my eyes to take us whenever and however. We will have lived our lives as best as we could with the time we've had. What more could we ask for. I also prayed that in death, if by the hands of a killer, that we would be taken together.

Wind, Rain, Storm...poem by kim

Wind, whistle away, whistle away, say the swaying trees. We bend, we dance, we stir with passion for the coming rains.

You, wind are the drums that keep the rhythm of the storms to be.

Rain, come down, come down, says the ground below. We await the quenching of our thirst for you, and for the nutrients you provide so abundantly.

You, rain are the pounding of feet dancing around a ring of fire.

Clouds full of moisture, you are the towers that spring forth the water from your silos.

Thunder and lightening, you are the friends who are the life of the storm. You bring excitement, fear, and a beautiful show that can be seen and heard from miles away.

I'm in awe of how all of these instruments come together to create beautiful music from time to time.

I never tire of their company nor of the rich and beautiful gifts in which they each bring with them.

How lucky am I to enjoy the show and applaud the creator who provides the stage for such a production.

Women Thou Art Worthy Beyond...poem by kim

Women thou art worthy beyond the very words of man.

Your beauty is greater and deeper and more precious than what the eye can behold.

In jesus you are free from the coverings, the masks, the burqas that enclose your framed body, your existence.

The men of the world have been taught evil, have been given examples that are not worthy of women's attention.

Women thou art more beautiful in spirit and in worth than the sun which rises each day.

Women you have been misfed horrendous information and given examples by which men have been force-fed themselves.

It is not completely their fault. It is also the work of the devil.

But this excuses no one of their behavior, never-the-less their way of thinking, without given the freedom of choice, in which jesus did that very thing.

Women thou art smarter than you give credit of yourselves.

Women you must trust yourselves, your hearts, your inner voice that reminds you of who you truly are and not what others make of you.

The men of this world will be just that...Men of this world.

As they know nothing else...Or rather choose to know nothing else.

Remember the work of the devil is prevalent in the minds of men.

Their thoughts and eyes have been tainted with lust, with open beauty, with pornography of every kind.

Who can blame them for their actions, but themselves.

But unfortunately, who is the one that must be restricted of one's behavior, one's god-given physical frame, covered from head to toe of any existence at all.

Women.

Women thou art worthy beyond the days of end and the stars that light the night like a candle lit in a darkened room.

Your beauty shall always stand firm in jesus but let no other man take from you the person that you are made to be.

Yourselves.

Oh, women you are given permission to take off those head coverings, the masked facade, the heavily weighted burqa that allows no room for personal contact nor personal existence.

Be free to exist under jesus with all the powers that has been given, and all the freedom that you could ever know.

Be not like men and do as they have done to another, to you.

Take the higher road and meet jesus and all those whom he has placed in your path. who acknowledge you as a being, a beauty, filled with thoughts and feelings and great intelligence.

Be not like men and women who choose the lower road of no integrity and real spirit nor power to encourage and lift one's fellow being.

Women thou art worthy and greater beyond...Words.

A Celebration Indeed...

Oh man, it's so strange to have been in Student Ministry and see that those 'kids' that you spent a lot of time and life with are getting older, more mature and even marrying or having their own children. And it's only been a few years since we stepped down. Yikes! Time is a flyin'!!

But we were so thrilled to be able to make Tyson's wedding. It was wonderful to see him so happy, so enveloped with those who truly love him and that he found the perfect woman for him. And she for him.

We both did not want to miss this date for the world. We've always had a wonderful relationship with Tyson. And Michael, well, he has known Tyson since he was just five years old. Michael was going to Chico State and he was attending Esplanade Baptist at the time, now called Church on the Esplanade, but with pretty much the same families who were very involved with the college ministry of that time. So, Michael remembers Tyson when he was five though Tyson doesn't remember that time in history. Oh, to be so young and naive.

I am so glad that this photo turned out so well and it will always hold wonderful memories for us through the years. And Tyson, being just so Tyson, took the time to thank us, truly, for making his wedding, knowing we were back and forth with the Fundraiser for Bola Moyo. And since we know Tyson so well, we knew he really meant it fully.

Thank you Tyson for your love for us and we are thrilled for your new chapter in life with Monica.

We love you and miss you!

In My Dreams...photos by kim

Oh, the beautiful colors of Fall. When I was about eight or nine, I always wanted to live in Connecticut after I read some books about living in the country of that state and the Fall season that takes place every year. The grass green as green could be, the mass number of colors possible showing themselves off, and the very cool, crisp air of the East coast. So, I always had this romantic idea of Connecticut and Vermont too. But as I grew up, they really weren't all that romantic. It apparently was true. It really is that beautiful in that part of the country. So, deep down in my mind of an eight or nine year old I still dream of living in Connecticut. Well, it doesn't seem like it's going to actually happen but one can never know I guess.

So here are just a few photos from my fall outing just the other day. It is beautiful in Chico during fall and I am glad. Though not quite as pronounced as the East Coast.

I would love to take a train ride cross country just to see all the different beauty that is contained in this one continent. I'm sure it would totally blow my mind. But Chico is where I live currently and I try to take all the beauty that is right in my backyard. It would be a shame not to...

One Fall Day...photos by kim

So, in order to get away from the idea that we may have a snake in our house, I decided to take Fall photos of this particular area in Chico that I drive by practically everyday. And keep thinking to myself that I need to have the camera with me, in the car, so that I can get a photo of the fall leaves and the trees.

I did that very thing. I parked in Morning Thunder's parking lot, jay walked across the street and just began snapping away. There was so much to see and photograph. I was really enjoying myself. It finally felt much like a fall day. The wind was blowing a bit, the air was cool, but not quite crisp and the sun was out. The smell of damp soil and the green, green grass of home beckoned me to come forth and partake in the tradition of foliage viewing. I did just that.

This part of the park, by Little Chico Creek, which runs throughout the town and campus, also has a lot of folks hanging out, bbqing and enjoying the canopy of trees next to the flowing creek.

I snapped away and snapped away and was just enjoying the time out, the smell of life, the sounds of technology, and the chitter, chatter of some folks hanging out at one of the picnic tables.

I came up to them and asked if I could take there photo. They were so happy to see me and kept telling me I was so nice to be talking to them. And so pretty. They were cracking me up. Apparently, these three guys, I found out, hang out together quite often. Jim has a part time job, Bob is retired and Steve is out of work. They were a true bunch of characters but oh so human. I just loved them. Jim wanted to take a photo of Steve, Bob and me. So, I let him use the camera several times until he got a shot. As the photo shows neither of the two are smiling anymore. He didn't quite have the idea down that he had to click and hold the button. But then most folks don't when trying to use our camera. So I couldn't blame him. They weren't into smiling when I was taking the photos of them either, but as soon as I got back to chatting with them, they were all smiles. All three were pretty tickled when I showed them the photos of their hands and of Bob's wrinkled face. Jim was tickled that he finally figured the camera out. They were really great men and I look forward to seeing them around town more now. I told them they had to say Hi to me if they saw me and I would most definitely do the same.

We had some good conversation about stuff. They asked about me, Michael and do I only take photos when the seasons change. Good question but I let them know I take whenever the fancy hits me. They really liked the idea that I was willing to take their picture, sit down, and hang out. I was there about an hour.

So there you have it. I run from my home because of a possible snake and then it turns out to be quite an adventure on a fine fall day, in the park, in Chico.

Snakes Alive!!!!

I am in no way a drama queen, but today apparently this side of me, that I didn't know I had just came right out of me.

I decided to work on the spare room by putting away the boxes that we were going to use to move to Portland, Oregon, but didn't end up using. And then I was going to make the bed that I sometimes sleep in, when I'm having a tough night or need the overhead fan on to keep cool. So in my scan of the room, I thought I'd make the bed first. I tossed the blankets to the ground and then began gathering the sheet bedding, but in doing so I caught something in the corner of my eye. I looked over again...And there near one of the blankets was a foot long snake skin. AAAWWWKKK! I just freaked out. My first thought is where is the snake that used to live in that skin, and secondly, I had been sleeping in that bed the last couple of nights and that just made me freak out even more.

Oh, if it had been a tarantula, I may have freaked out also, but if it had been just a plain ol' spider it wouldn't have meant much to me. Usually, they bite me in the night anyways, so I know they are out to get me. BUT a snake...???

I just detest snakes of all kinds. I don't like them in the pet stores, I don't like them in the museum, I don't even like pictures of them, and I wouldn't eat green eggs and ham with one either. They are just gross to me.

Our friend, Don, has a Boa Constrictor and I will not touch or get near her. I don't make a big deal out of it but I just won't get near her.

But wondering if there is a snake in the house is just freakin' me out and Michael, usually home, is up in Paradise working and I had to ichat with him to let him know what was happening at home.

It was pretty funny and stupid of me to be such a drama queen about it. But I am home now, after having been gone for a couple of hours, so as not to deal with the snake issue. But the spare room door is still closed and I have no idea if there is a snake in there or not.

Anyways, I told Michael that our friend, Don, needs to come over and take care of this snake, if there is one... Let's hope not.

So that is the newest, overly dramatic adventure in my day.

And Interesting Tidbit...

I was at Barnes and Noble today and then headed to the Library to return some books and pick up some new ones. I just love the smell of the library, hearing the beckoning of the books calling my name and the satisfaction of feeling these works of art in my hands, thumbing through their pages and finally making a selection that will suffice my hunger for adventure, for reality, for history, for interesting characters and for my adventure in travel.

But there was something that I read just briefly that stayed with me throughout the rest of my day.

I read the subtitle, 'Have friends replaced families?'

I remember reading it but not paying too much attention to it after the initial intake.

But realizing when I got home I was still thinking about it and as I laid in bed, I was still thinking about it.

Actually, I found it to be quite profound in thought and in question.

My initial thought to the question is a resounding yes. But then I have been having to ask why and what has changed for this to be the new found sense of community and family nucleus?

There are lots of answers to the question I'm sure but my simplistic version, as that's how I think, is that with the breakdown of families, the blending of marriages, and the enormous numbers of divorce, there is little left but with those one associates with and those one would call friends.

Also, with distance, family issues and the lack of real family connections, I think friends have definitely been placed as key roles of support, community and sense of family. Sometimes one may even dare say that one is closer to their friends than their family. There is that sense in friendship, that you can truly be yourself, share all that is in you and not feel completely judged or expectant of meeting certain sets of expectations that families do put on each of us, unbeknownst to themselves, and sometimes to the detriment of that person's make up.

In a way it's a real shame to have to answer that question that way and for it to be true. The nucleus of a family should, if at all possible, still be that place of belonging, acceptance, understanding and development/nurturing of growth and love. But unfortunately, in today's society that is not always the case. But if family is broken then the will and love of friends is a wonderful tie to have and to belong to.

Just like family or a marriage, friendships also need to come to that place of authenticity and not just be all about acceptance, but where accountability and realistic interaction of thoughts, feelings and emotions are challenging the relationship in the purest form. If it's always good, it will at some point crack and crumble and even break apart if not dealt with realistically and authentically.

So, are friends replacing families? Sure they are but not in every case. There are families that are very much intact, loving and real in their deaings with one another. Can friends be more like and replace family? They can if done in a manner that is clearly realistic.

My Husband...

We celebrated 14 years of marriage this past June and let me tell you it's been a crazy, fun, wacky and exciting ride. Oh, there are definite times when it's been hard and trying, but the cool thing is that we'd gone through it together.

I think about my relationship with Michael practically every day. I hope that's a good thing. Because he is the sweetest part of my life, and there is definitely no one else who could understand me, put up with me and spoil me all at the same time like he does!

One of the things I think about when my thoughts are toward Michael and/or our relationship is that he makes me laugh sooo much. There are too many days where my stomach aches just from his being silly, imitating me, or just being the man I love in his uninhibited ways. I just love that I am the only one who gets to see this silly side of him. Though once in awhile it will come out in tidbits to those closest to us.

The laughter doesn't come from jokes or punds or even story telling but...Oh, I don't want to give his secrets away...So I'll just say from his own personality. And what a riot he is!

It is not only the laughter that makes our marriage wonderful but the fact that he reminds me that he is mine and I am his and we are stuck with one another. And then the Seinfeld mushiness comes out...Like my swoopie, my smoopie but we have our own names for one another but I can't divulge that information. It's top secret.

And of course, there are a zillion other things that make our marriage work, endure and amazingly wonderful. I just love to love him and he loves to love me and together we will continue to grow old together until death takes us both. But until then we still have a lot of living to do together and crazy adventures to enjoy with one another and much laughter to be shared between us.

Thank you, Michael, for being my amazing husband, my lover and the other great half of this beautiful union.

I love you, Stripe.

Your Yellow.

The Things of Portland...

It's sad that we are no longer moving to Portland, Oregon. There are so many things about that area that I am going to miss. Visiting will be fun but definitely not the same.

First and foremost, for Michael, it is Stumptown Coffee or for that matter, any of the number of great coffee spots we hit the two times we visited. Thanks to Dustin for that influence! Heh!

Secondly, I was really looking forward to making Ainsworth Church our place of community. It has a small, mixed congregation with an incredible welcoming feeling and place of belonging. And the Black Gospel was to literally die for!!!!

They also have an HIV/AIDS program that the church opens their doors to every day of the week for assistance, food, counseling, companionship, medical help, etc. I was really looking forward to being a part of that wonderful program, and it would have been one way of getting my hands dirty, locally.

Thirdly, would be just the taste of a new town, new city, new state and new environment all away around. Not to mention the wonderful rainy season. There is just so much to do and there are friends that live up that way that I was looking forward to reconnecting with in person. Also there are the amazing, cheap and culturally diverse restaurants that I was looking forward to finding here and there.

I was amazed at how friendly every one was in Oregon. It definitely made me feel at home and welcomed. It beats New York City any day, hands down!!!

And then, of course, there was the living and working with Dustin and Cara with Bola Moyo. But it shall continue on without us having our hands in the cauldron. We will only do what we can, as needed.

So, we shall have new adventures and fun times when we go to visit but it will not be the same as living there. Bummer.

But I know everything will turn out for the best, in whatever means and ways that will look like. Whatever it is...I'm sure it will be full of adventure and a journey to remember.

Thanks, jesus, for taking care of us...

Oh, That Paula Dean!

Now here is someone that is a real kick in the pants! That laughter, the love of food, the love of butter, that personality and so much more.

Lately, I've been wishing I could call her Aunt Paula, or Gramma Paula or Cousin Paula and even Paula, my mother. Or even just be my best next door neighbor, Paula! That would suffice.

If only I could be related to her somehow. Now that would just be heaven on earth! I could imagine the countless hours of time I would spend in her kitchen, watching her cook or helping her taste the end results. Or I could just be the slave that helps clean up after her. No matter, I would just love to know and love her like family.

There aren't too many folk in life that I feel that way about but Paula Dean is surely one of them!

I've been thinking about writing her a personal letter just to let her know these very things. But then I get intimidated thinking she already has a HUGE fan club of men and women who desire the very same thing as me. So, what difference would my letter make in her day?

Oh, but to day dream what she would cook or bake is just a heavenly dream.

She just cracks me up with that laughter, her easy-going spirit, that 'motherly' tendecy in her and the fact that she just gets into her cooking, but better yet tasting all that she cooks.

So, as I write this I think of how silly it is to be putting all of this in words but she's just been on my mind and I thought I'd get it all down now or never.

She is one of the quintessential cooks who make cooking more than a chore. She is up there with Julia child's and Jacque Pepin. Okay, Rachel Ray is pretty close to tops too.

Enough of my drooling and star dazing...Paula Dean is equal to Kitty of 'That 70's Show.' in terms of her laughter. Too much!

Oh, Paula Dean where art thou?

I've Become Blind...

When I think of someone getting old, I don't think of myself.

Have I gone mad? Have I gone blind?

What makes one old in the eyes of another?

When did I begin to realize that I am no longer 25?

What possessed me to remind myself of what I feel like and not what my age may give away?

When did the laugh lines begin to form down and no longer up?

Where in the world does the concept of aging gracefully come from?

Why is there is a difference of standard for aging women versus men?

Why do most women tend to age more uh, shall we say less beautiful with age?

Is this god's sense of humor toward women?

Or was it to continue to boost men's egos up until the very the end?

I sure hope my being Asian will truly be an advantage to me, and so far it has, but will I be one of the lucky ones who ages with beauty over time? Or just the opposite?

Yikes! Imagine me at 65! Hello, world here I come! Wrinkles, flab, gray haired, saggier eyelids, salt and peppered moustache between the nose and upper lip, and a triple chin.

Good thing I already had a face lift before all these things could happen to me at 40. If only I could have afforded to...

So, I guess I've become blind as the years have gone by, but I guess it's helped in the sanity department. Too much too soon would have pushed me over the edge. And not a moment too soon.

So, the secret to aging is not acknowledging it all and just imagining oneself when viewed in a mirror that 'I am the fairest of them all.'

I don't think I will be able to keep up that mantra but hey, I'm alive and that counts for something!

So Odd...photo by don campbell

It's so odd to feel like adding a writing about pumpkins and friends and life, followed by my last piece showing a photo of death. But I guess this is just a good example of how we must cope with such things, and why the need to 'go on with life', as we'd drive ourselves crazy with such news daily. I feel guilty but realize it's a must for my spirit. So here it goes...

Michael and I had a tradition that we started when we were both in college, at Chico State, and actually kept up until last year. We would have a pumpkin carving party with friends and lots of food. Sometimes we did it on Halloween night, in the early days, and then as time went by we did it when dates were available for our friends.

So far, we've only talked about having a carving party but no date set yet. And next Saturday, just days way from Halloween, we will not be in town, so it just might not happen again this year. But... Michael and I were talking about maybe changing our little tradition. We thought why not do it after Halloween? It's still fall and pumpkins are still part of the Thanksgiving holidays, so I think we will start with this new tradition. And I'm looking forward to it. We decided instead of spooky things we'll just carve out horns of plenty and a turkey. Yea, right! LOL!

Anyways, we are looking forward to doing something different and new.

Sometimes It's Too Much...photo by AP

I have gone through times of keeping up with the world news and then realizing it's all the same crap, the same people, the same disasters that kill, the same kinds of wars, the same idiotic stuff that man does to man, as well as nature to it's land masses. So, then I turn it off for awhile and feel much better. But then I realize I feel better because I don't have to deal with it. It's as if I can just live my life and let others live their lives and that will be that and I should be happy.

But unfortunately, turning off the news from the tv or the radio doesn't stop this ol' brain from wondering how many children have died this week, what country is struggling to provide for its people, those countries at war how many more deaths and are they nearer to a resolution? Probably not.

So, now I keep up with the news via BBC World News. It seems to give a much better and less filtered version of the news than the States.

But it is also heartbreaking to constantly hear the death tolls rise, the amount of displaced peoples increase, the number of children affected, and the urgent cry of the United Nations urging for more help than they are capable of.

Death is an interesting thing because on one hand it is this terrible loss for those who are still living, yet as time goes by the person(s) who have passed do just that pass. Those living, whether we push the death deep down or whather we have resolved ourselves of that person(s) death. But I think either way, as humans, our nature is to 'go on with life' which is what everyone says you need to do, but then it seems that we almost forget or no longer acknowledge the person(s) that died in our lives.

I'm not quite sure how to explain it but it just seems to me, and with my own little experience with death, it is pretty damn easy to forget about those who died. I'm embarrassed to admit this but it's true. Perhaps it would be different, and I hope it would if I had lost a child or a spouse, or family members. I just don't know.

But before I get myself in trouble, I'm realizing what I'm really speaking of are those who die everyday from poverty, disease, malnutrition, violence, homelessness, old age, and who die with no new person reporting their deaths. These deaths are just one more number in the human death toll.

It's just difficult for me to know that so many people of this world, die without the love of a family, of friends or a community. They simply perish without any one person identifying them as a friend, a person of their community, a father, an uncle, a sister or a mother.

Sometimes it's just too much for me to fathom and I struggle with wanting to create something for these very people. But the deaths are just too great in number and the ability to meet each of these people is unrealistic. But I hope to create something, someday for those who are nameless in death.

I don't know what it will be but I hope someday to do something so that these lives are not in vain.